Today's word is: Anticipation
I wonder what my kids will be like when they're grown?
My brother has two grown children--a 20-year-old who is a sophomore at the University of Washington, studying English (a girl after my own heart), and an 18-year-old who's kicking ass and taking names in the high school music world playing bass. He's won awards all over the state of Washington and now is looking to pursue his musical aspirations in college. I listen to my brother over the phone, and I can practically see his face beaming as he talks about them. I can feel his proud parent moment, and I wonder if mine will be the same.
I was thinking about this today as I drove home from work during my 30 minute commute. This is prime time, by the way, for feeding all my neuroses regarding how successful I am at raising my children. Will my kids be as humble, as driven, as polite, as accomplished as my niece and nephew? I don't know. My husband and I are much different than my brother and sister-in-law. She stayed home with them growing up. My brother never missed a little league game. They're conservative and not as permissive as DG and I are. They live in the forest in the middle of nowhere, WA while we're in and out of Los Angeles on a regular basis. Is this bad? No. Does our different experience mean that our children won't grow up equally as composed and mature as his? I don't think so. It's just different. But I don't know for sure.
So I practice modeling my brother. I try to offer my children the same kind of life that (forest living and no video games notwithstanding) their cousins have been afforded.
And I wait.
There are two dictionary definitions of anticipation:
1. previous notion; slight previous impression; realization in advance
2. expectation or hope
The latter is the common way I think about the word--I have a hopeful expectation that my children will turn out to be respectful and respected adults, pursuing their passions with a sense of confidence that comes from knowing that their parents support them emotionally forever. The former is harder to pinpoint, but it's there. There's an excitement in the not knowing that stems from the knowing. I have seen these young people, my niece and nephew, whose upbringing I had a small part in by virtue of being related to their parents, and I know based on their histories, that my own children will follow their lead. At least that's the way I'm anticipating it. My children have their cousins to look up to, to aspire to emulate.
And I can't wait.