Christmas Memories

Remember when you were little, and there's that one thing from Christmas, or Hanukkah, or whatever winter holiday you celebrate that really stands out in your mind as the most funny, or heartbreaking, or heartwarming?  I think everybody has a memory like that.  I've got several.  Like the year my dad left and my 10-year-old brother put up all the Christmas lights by himself.  My mother was so touched--at least I thought she was touched, but it was probably more a mixture of pride in her resourceful son, guilt in her divorce decision leaving us without a "Christmas light hanger," and sadness at her first Christmas as a single parent.  Or the year my brother, sister and I stayed up all night--I mean literally all night--waiting for Christmas morning.  We piled into my room with blankets and stories; we were all teenagers at the time.  We still talk about it.  Every holiday season, I call my sister and say, "Hey, remember this song from that album that we listened to every Christmas?  Remember the one with the red cover?"

As my own kids are now the age when Christmas memories are being formed, I wonder what they'll remember when they get older.  Will in be this year, when Los Angeles was deluged with rain storms of epic proportions that have kept us inside for days?  They've moved from watching Pokemon on TV, to playing Pokemon on the DS, to playing Pokemon cards in T1's room.  (Seriously, is Pokemon really that compelling?)  Honestly, I think they're completely loving this unstructured time just to be kids without all the school, homework, activities, and playdates.  Or will it be decorating the tree and uncovering the beauty of ornaments that slip their minds as the months between Christmases pass? 

This was the first year that I think they'll remember decorating the tree.  I decided to let T1 put on the tree topper.  He is told so much that he needs to be careful, keep his hands to himself, play nicely and gently.  I thought I'd give him a special task that would usually be bestowed upon a family member with excellent dexterity and calm, two things T1 doesn't really have mastery over yet.  My thinking was, let him have something that calls upon his burgeoning maturity and bridges him from little kid to big kid.  Maybe I thought too soon.



Yes, the tree topper broke, and then all hell broke loose.  I got upset with DG, who was upset because he had a feeling that T1 couldn't do it, and then T1 went crying out of the room and hid because I yelled.  Definitely a Christmas memory I'm not proud of, but here it is, for all of you--familly foibles and all.  Off to Stat's we went to get another tree topper.  And, Christmas memory restored.



Maybe it would have been better if we waited a year for this.  Maybe he would have been just that much bigger and could reach the tree top better.  Maybe we would pick a tree without a knot sticking out that would allow the topper to slip right over the top.  Maybe, who knows.  But this is the memory we have.  This is the one I'll remember and I'm sure he'll remember and we'll laugh, "Remember that year we broke the tree topper? Hahahahaha"

It reminds me of that scene at the end of A Christmas Story.  Ralphie's family Christmas dinner is ruined by an unfortunate incident with some neighborhood dogs and the Christmas ham.  They go to a Chinese restaurant and while the waiters are singing Christmas carols, food is brought to their table.  The camera zooms in and they're smiling, laughing, and enjoying themselves.  The voice over describes the memory and you can see that this is the Christmas memory that they'll remember, not the missed ham.  I think of our tree topper the same way.  Every year, when I unwrap it, I'll remember the successful adornment and think about how T1 grew up a little that year.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.  May the memories you make this year be joyous ones, and if they're not, I hope there's at least some humor.

Thanksgiving is a time for ..... illness?

I took T1 and T2 shopping with my for the Thanksgiving groceries. It was a crazy and funny time that I had all blogged out in my mind, but then...as I sat down to write....T1 projectile vomited all over his bed.  Lovely.  We're hoping he's not sick, of course.  (He does have a pretty easy gag and vomit reflex--it could just be allergies)  No, no, kids can't get sick!  I've got too much to do.  But he's back in bed now with a bucket next to his head. 

What do you do if you've got a house full of people for the holiday, and your kid gets sick?

The Getaway

Okay, after all my bitching and complaining about all I have to do, and how can I find time for it all, I get to have the opposite this weekend.  I am traveling to Northern California to go to Lake Tahoe with my sister and her husband's family.  This is by myself--without my husband and kids.  I go to Northern California every fall to visit with my sister. 

I don't think there is a person in the world who gets me better.  She's like the other half of my brain and soul.  We have been each other's best friend and confidant since we were little girls.  When she moved away, I knew that it would be so important for us to continue to keep the lazy togetherness of our childhood alive--times when we just sit together in the same room, but don't need to talk, and then we can talk for hours, long into the night about ANYTHING.  Our unusual sister-bond is remarkable by most standards, and I long to spend time with her.  Now it's here.

I can't think of a better place to rejuvenate than Lake Tahoe.  I intend to suck in the mountain air until my lungs are filled with the richness of fall.  I'm going to knit (I'm making a scarf for T2's Hermione costume), watch movies, and sleep.  Oh, glorious sleep.

And at home, I know everything will be fine.  DG is a superdad.  He actually is excited to take the kids to all their activities (Oh boy, it's a lot too--a future post that I am definitely itching to get out--lots of opinions).  Two soccer games on Saturday, two different classes for both kids today at different locations during the same time.  DG'll get a taste of mom taxi for sure.

And when I get back, I'll hug them and I'll be a better mommy because I'll get to remember who I am.  Do you ever take time for yourself away from home without the kids? 

Romance Revisited -- With Kids!

Ten years ago, I went on a trip to Michigan with my then boyfriend to visit his family and see where he grew up.  We traveled to Mackinac Island and stayed at the Grand Hotel where he proposed in the Rosalind Carter suite.

My life changed so much in that moment.  I was already pushing middle age, and thought that marriage and kids were just not going to be for me.  I had begun to wrap my head around the fact that I'd "mother" all my students and that would be enough.  But in that moment when that ring went on my finger, I felt a sense of serenity, hope, and home that comes from knowing that you are truly loved, unconditionally, and that someone wants YOU to be the one to share life's biggest moments.  We held hands at dinner that night and contemplated our future.

Ahh new love--just engaged and looking kinda scared.

DG said that night, "Someday, we'll bring our kids here."  Swoon.  This was exactly what I wanted--to have a family to make memories with.  When we left the island, we swore that we'd return and show our kids the enchanting, horse-drawn, "somewhere in time" place that was the setting of one of the most memorable times in our lives.

So fast forward 10 years.  With twins.  It's like this:  Romantic Island + kids - 10 married-life years = a decidedly different experience.

BEFORE -- Romantic Dinner in the Grand Hotel Dining Room when we could dream about our future and gaze lovingly at each other in the beautiful surroundings.

AFTER -- Okay, we still got to do this one.  They have a Kid's Club at the Grand Hotel where they have a children's activity from 6 to 9 in the evening, allowing Mom and Dad to go to the dining room sans ones who will make them sticky.

Quite a bit older now, huh?

 

 

BEFORE -- We took a leisurely bike ride the 8.2 miles around the island and took in the sites.  The island is home to several spectacular, Victorian mansions, known as summer "cottages" that were used by wealthy families in the late 1800s as summer homes away from the midwest.  The shore of the lake and the view of the Mackinac Bridge to the west are beautiful.  I looked out and saw Arch Rock and horse-drawn carriages, and other romantic couples gazing at each other from atop bikes that slowly meandered around the road.

AFTER -- Our kids have been practicing riding 2-wheelers since last summer in preparation for this bike ride.  And they were ready.  We set out at 9 am.  By 9:05, the whining had ensued.  "I'm hot, pedaling's hard, let's take a break."  When we got rolling again, there was no stopping them.  Gone was the scenery.  My eyes were glued to the kid in front of me who weaved back and forth across the road, barely missing on-coming traffic, which was sometimes a carriage pulled by a Clydesdale.  DG and I were constantly harping ahead of us, "Slow down! Stay to the right! Watch out for people! Let your sister be in front for a while!"

BEFORE --We visited the quaint downtown area of Mackinac Island and admired the work of local artisans.  Mostly paintings of the Grand Hotel or the bridge.  We carefully touched whatever we wanted and engaged gallery owners in conversations about the island's charms.

AFTER -- I saw every visit to an art gallery as an exercise in hovering--hovering to make sure the blown glass didn't get knocked over when T2 started practicing her dance moves; hovering to keep T1's grubby little hands from man-handling and smudging; hovering and herding them through the stores, like an Australian Shepherd.  I had to decide which tacky piece of Mackinac swag I was willing to pay $18 for--the hard, plastic horse with carmelly velvet glued to its body that T2 promptly christened "Goldie" or the caricature t-shirt that says, "Mackinac Island--Powered by Horse Poop!"  "But Mom," T1 says, "It's funny, get it?"

BEFORE -- Mackinac Island is known for its sweet shops, particularly fudge.  The fudge from the island is famous, and it's in a million shops all along the main boulevard.  We wandered in and out of each one, sampling "exotic" flavors like toffee peanut butter and raspberry dream.  We bought a pound, carefully wrapped it up and had a tiny taste each day of the trip.

AFTER -- The candy pushers stand in the front of each shop luring in unsuspecting kids with promises of candy beyond their wildest dreams.  The whole of downtown has a wafting odor of chocolate, with a little manure cloying for good measure.  The kids had fudge, salt-water taffy and ice cream all in the course of an hour.  Then we asked them to calm down and get dressed in their "fancy" clothes for dinner in the Grand Hotel, which requires its guests to dress formally in the lobby after 6 pm.  Jackets and ties for the gentleman and dresses for the ladies.  Trying to get kids to dress when they're hopped up on sugar is a feat like wrestling tigers--I kid you not!

BEFORE -- Ahh, after the 5-course meal, a long stroll through the lazy town at dusk is exactly what the romance doctor ordered with a tailor made sunset to solidify the deal.

AFTER -- S'MORES!!

So was it different coming back to Mackinac with the kids that we'd dreamed of 10 years before? Absolutely. Traveling with kids is hard.  Raising kids is hard.  Working is hard.  And at the end of the day, I get to have the beautiful vacation, and the home, and the career that I love.  I sometimes forget in the whirlwind that is my life to remember how lucky I am that I get to have all of this.  It's different, but light years better than what I had before.  And I wouldn't change a thing.

My very own Jem and Scout

For my family, being away from home brings out the worst and the best of us.  Tempers are short when sleep gets compromised on progressively longer days as we cram in more and more.  Kids tend to bicker more in close quarters.  Like a car.  For 4 hours.

But the worst of it is brief, forgivable, compared to the best of it.  I love being together without the pressure of the laundry pile (oh, believe me, it lurks in the back of my mind waiting to multiply and pounce on me when we arrive home), never-ending tasks at work, and projects for which procrastination is part of the title--like "that bathroom painting project I keep putting off..."  I love only needing to be responsible for a couple of meals and documenting my children's joy of being outdoors away from home.

We're staying in Northern Michigan on a lake in a beautiful cabin that my father-in-law built from a tear down.  The view is spectacular.

Last night, I watched T1 and T2 gathering acorns, skimming stones, and jumping off the dock.  I had a vision of the two of them making up games and stories--summertime yarns that are the only things that occupy their minds.  I keep seeing these dirty-faced ruffians like Jem and Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird (my current summer read).  My characters, like the fictional ones, are devoted to each other.  They're outside from sun up to sun down.  They create imaginary worlds in the forest that provide a dappled backdrop for the most memorable of play.

Like Scout, when they're older, I hope they reflect fondly on this coming of age time in their lives and while they learn about the world around them, they keep some of the innocence that is captivating in a seven-year-old's summer.

How My Family Changed My Mind--the Camping Version

I'm not exactly the out-doorsy, camping type, and when DG took T1 to the Cub Scout Jamboree last October, I was happily obliged to stay home with T2.  Not that I don't like being outside in nature, but it's kind of a lot of work.  I once asked my sister-in-law (a Pacific Northwest, Washingtonian who followed my brother's mountain-man sensibility and left CA when their kids were little) what she does when camping (they go like 12 times a year) and she said, "You know, you set up the camp, prepare the meals, keep the campsite neat, hang out by the fire."  Sounds like housework, not unlike what I do already everyday at home.  And it's C-O-L-D!  Sleeping outside when it drops below 70 degrees is not my idea of fun.

Nevertheless, I agreed to go on the end-of-the-year Cub Scout camping trip to Joshua Tree. The desert.  Warm at night (otherwise know as ninth-level-of-hell during the day).  And I loved it.

California's June gloom makes for a very mild desert June.  It was around 80 to 90 most of the time, with a warm breeze that embraced the campsite and made everything look crystal clear.  Rocks and plants crisply outlined against the blue, cloud-dotted sky.  Beautiful.

 T2 "meditating" against the desert sky

We hiked, cooked food in foil pack in the hot coals, listened to birds and little plant dwelling critters, watched lizards dart back and forth across the scalding desert floor, stared at the night sky, toasted marshmallows, and ate s'mores.

Now I understand why my brother loves it so much.  City kids like mine need exposure to nature.  They need room to run, a place where they can be loud.  When we're able to take the time to just be with each other, without some outside obligation, cell phone service, or TV.  It was magical.  See as evidenced by the faces above.  

So more camping may be in my future.  Hard ground and cold, sleepless nights aside, I owe it to them, to us, to make memories of their childhood with experiences they may want to pass down to their own families.  How can I argue with these faces?

We drove home dirty and tired.  I asked the twins how they liked it.  "It was AWESOME!" they yelled, as "awesome" is the most descriptive word 7-year-olds know.  But it was--awesome.

How to take a picture of your family

Get the family together on a bench.

Make sure everyone stays put.

Ensure everyone is looking at the camera.

Sometimes you have to change locations.  

Be sure to injure husband in the process.

Make sure your background focal point is actually in the frame.  

Make kids hold still.

Make sure EVERYONE is smiling.

There now, wasn't that easy?

 

Family Vacation -- an oxymoron

I heard once someone said a vacation is something you do on a South Pacific island or a Mexican resort. When traveling with kids, you're on a trip. There is nothing remotely vacation-like about it, other than the fact that you're eating out at restaurants. When you're with kids, however, the restaurants force an inedible kid's menu on children with the same 4 deep-fried, questionable chicken items on it.

Traveling with kids to visit family is an altogether different kind of trip. When we travel to visit my family who live on the same coast, but two, long states away, it's as if we went to another world, my kids think. They love seeing their cousins, their grandparents, aunts and uncles. They relish in the sleeping in a hotel and watching TV in the morning.


They get excited that they get to sleep in and maybe even get a day off from school.



I, on the other hand, find this trip to visit my family (which we do at least twice or three times a year) to be difficult on so many levels.

First, I hate, and I really do mean hate, being so far away from my family. For reasons that are best for everyone, I live in Southern California, and they live in the Pacific Northwest. Every time we go there, I long for them more and more. To just hop over and visit, or have my brother come by and hang out while I wash my car would be dreamy. Alas, it is never to be, so I feel like I have to cram in together time. Too much togetherness does not make for the carefree, happy days of my childhood that I think I'm trying to recreate. We just end up getting on each others' nerves.

Second, my mother is in a nursing home. She has a degenerative disease that has her wheelchair bound and unable to walk. (This trip, she held T2 on her lap in the recliner. This was the first time she has held one of my children since they were born. Damn, too, if I didn't leave the camera in said hotel room in the moment that I would have wanted to capture the most.) Nursing homes and small children don't mix, people. I think you get the picture. I wish that she didn't have this disease. I wanted my kids to have a grandmother who would babysit or take them to the park or walk with them. This is not what we have, so I have to take whatever time with her I can get.

Finally, the over-stimulated, TV-laden, junk-food haven nirvana that my kids find this trip to be is exasperating for me. While trying to create all the together time mentioned above, my kids get my shortened temper, lack of consistent discipline, and annoyance. Sometimes it's hard just to keep them moving forward. They, too, find each other intolerable after 16 straight hours together. Their short fuses combined with mine are a volatile combination.

And then, after 4 days, it's over. I'm back home and wondering how soon we can go back.

I was filled with a kind of ennui today as I went back to my routine. Something about the trip, despite all of its difficulties, is exciting, a way to escape the everyday. A vacation it's not, but I'll take the trip anyway, and many more like it.

Beaches and Theme Parks and X Games, Oh My!

Summers are different when you have kids. When I was younger, before marriage, kids, you know, responsibility, summers were for relaxing, sitting around, staying up late, reading lots and lots and lots. Now my summers are jam packed. I wouldn't necessarily call what we do in summer a "vacation." I remember my last "vacation." There was an over-water bungalow and the words, "Bora-Bora" on the hotel stationery....ah memories. No, now we take trips. Trips to theme parks, the beach, places with cotton candy and merry-go-rounds.

I love my summer "trips" with my family. Maybe they're not the most relaxing or rejuvenating, but they are FUN. The looks on our faces can attest to that. Here are some highlights:

Parrot talons in your shoulders do feel really weird.




Big hat is a must.




Always gotta find a place where the kids can go on one of these




At the X Games in Los Angeles, we watched the inaugural "Big Air Rail Jam" skateboarding event. These guys skateboarded down that giant ramp, landed on a tiny rail, jumped off the rail and came down another ramp. Pretty amazing.



Don't we look happy? I hope you had a great summer too. Back to school (and back to work) is just around the corner....