Bloggy Math

Here's some bloggy math for this tired poster on this busy Monday morning.

Daylight Savings Time X  2 kids  =  up at dawn yesterday.  (Result is mommy crashing into bed at 9 pm).

6 potentially lengthy blog posts  -  time to percolate them in my head  =  short post today.

Today's work stack

 

 

 

 

 

 

Textbook reviews  +  quizzes to be graded  +  journals to be read  -  long morning hours  X  desire to exercise  =  Time To Get Going.

See you all tomorrow!

When the Spinning Plates Begin to Topple

I work at a job that I love.  After a disappointing undergraduate experience that I barely passed, I finally found my passion in my late 20s and decided to go for it.  This meant another 3 years of graduate school, teaching part-time at 3 or 4 different community colleges for a few more years as a "freeway flyer," and finally landing a tenured position teaching (as opposed to "publishing") at an institution of higher learning a full 11 years after I finished my undergraduate degree.

I remember sitting in my office in my first semester and the president of the college, a good 'ol boys' good 'ol boy, came in to see me, and, in the course of our conversation, he said, "You know, this is the best job in the world.  And even more so for a woman (as an aside, what you need to know about this guy is that he later was removed from a Chancellorship for sexual harassment and indiscretions. Not really the most tactful with the ladies).  There's a lot of flexibility when you have your children."  Well, of course I was offended.  "What?" I thought.  "Do you have any idea what I went through to land this job?  There were 120 applicants for my job.  If you think for one minute I'm going to throw it away for a life of wiping snotty noses, you've got another thing coming, buddy."  Besides, I was single--no sign of a husband or children on the horizon, so I was good, I thought. 

But I did get married, and I did have children.  And he was right.  I took off for 6 months after the babies were born.  I taught at night so I could be home with them during the day.  I taught online, logging in at night and on weekends and in snippets of time between feedings and diaper changes.  I do work outside the home now, so I use the after-school program a few days a week.  I can mold my schedule so that I can stay at work late a couple of days and still be available to drive the kids around to their throngs of extra curricular activities.

This is dreamy, is it not?  It's the ideal situation that so many working moms crave--a chance to be fulfilled and stimulated intellectually while still being able to be the nurturing, available caregiver.  I presumably have the best of both worlds.  If that's the case, then why do I feel like I'm floundering in both of these areas for which I have a huge responsibility?  The balance I'm so craving seems far outside my reach right now.

I recently read a report on the myth of multitasking. The report states that people don't technically use their brains doing more than one thing at a time, but rather, their brains are actually shifting in rapid-fire succession between things. I feel like this is what I'm doing all the time.  I mean, even in the course of writing this post, I've had to get up to let the dog out and pause to give my son some homeopathic drops for the cough that is keeping him up and in my face. Not only am I physically torn away from the moment, but my brain is rapidly moving back and forth like a schizophrenic metronome.  I am, therefore, failing a little bit at everything I do.  I don't want to be perfect, but I would like to feel a little more peace.

Recently I found myself wanting to retire from my job--not quit, not get another job--retire.  Obviously a momentary lapse in reasoning and logic, right?  I was longing for more time to read and write for my own personal fulfillment, and retirement seemed the only reasonable way that this could happen?  Clearly I've got to make some changes.  What those need to be, I don't know.

But I do know this.  I have an obligation to both my job and my family.  I have to keep the job (without it, the family would not have health insurance) and I have to raise the kids. I have a responsibility to be present and wholly focused on each one when I'm engaged with it.  I need to make space in my life for those little moments that absolutely make time race.

How can I do this?  Am I just chasing the mythological life of the Supermom?  Will my brain explode as I try to tweet about my kids' morning routine while preparing for my class while driving in the car?  Something's gotta give. 

How do you balance personal fulfillment with parenting? 

Oh, the Pressure!

Don't you hate it when you have a million blog post ideas in your head, and instead of drafting or writing, you just think about them everyday, and when evening comes, and you think you want to write one, you're so burned out after doing the dishes and making the lunches and cleaning the fish tank that clever, witty posts elude you?

I know I sure hate that. 

Discipline -- Part 3, The Harried Working Mom Version

I am always so amazed when rifts spring up between T1 and T2.  How could this possibly be happening?  I was so blissfully trying to do my job in snippets after the after-school follies of candy eating snack time and written torture homework.  They were playing.  It was pleasant with the trilling of happy child-voices engaged in the throes of childhood.  And then...the Grabber pisses off the Shrieker.  Oh well, bliss over.  Time to get involved.  Or is it? Maybe, but in a calculated way.

DG and I have followed this parenting program for five years, since the twins were 2 and wouldn't stay in their beds, with great success.  The philosophy is pretty simple: give children a routine, make clear expectations, descriptively praise steps in the direction of cooperation, and reflect their feelings.  Following the techniques really does result in a calmer, easier, and happier home life.  But it takes effort and energy--both rare commodities for a working mom.  I find myself slipping into habits of letting the kids go off on their own with no intervention from me until something erupts and then rushing in to solve whatever the problem is.  I accuse, raise my voice, try to "get to the bottom of this!" which usually results with more grabbing and shrieking as well as whining, crying, and screaming.  I love the harmonious sound of children trying to "one up" each other, don't you?

I've re-doubled my efforts of late, trying to bring the bliss back.  This morning T1 disrupted an Easter display that T2 had created.  She had left it alone thinking that it would remain untouched.  He came along, not knowing this part of her thinking, and took it apart.  She yelled as she is wont to do.  He ignored her as per his M.O.  But DG and I came in and calmly reflected her feelings of being upset.  She cried some more about how long it took her to make it and how she'll never be able to do it again.....and then it was over.  In. about. 2. minutes.  That's all.  If I had tried to get her to stop crying, it would still be going on now.  They re-played the scene again, this time doing it correctly: she politely asked him to leave her display alone.  He said okay, and he asked me for something similar to play with.  Joy, and off they went.  DG and I secretly high-fiving each other behind their backs.

The lesson is that even though it seems so grueling to take time away from the busy day-to-day to actually parent my children, I know that this is what I ultimately want--confident, self-reliant, cooperative children who I enjoy being with.

How to take a picture of your family

Get the family together on a bench.

Make sure everyone stays put.

Ensure everyone is looking at the camera.

Sometimes you have to change locations.  

Be sure to injure husband in the process.

Make sure your background focal point is actually in the frame.  

Make kids hold still.

Make sure EVERYONE is smiling.

There now, wasn't that easy?

 

Snippets

Yesterday's Schedule

3:30 am -- Awake -- worry about all the stuff I have to do. Gratefully, I fall back to sleep.

5:30 am -- Wake up, read emails, answer students' questions, grade online papers, write 1/3 of new syllabus

6:30 am -- Walk dog

7:30 am -- wake kids, eat breakfast, drive to summer school

9:15 am -- Sculpt and Tone class at the Y, read 3 pages of a journal article waiting for class to start

11:30 am -- pick up kids from summer school, drive home, fix lunch

1:45 pm -- drive to library, realize we forgot library books, drive back home, drive back to library, drive back home.

3:00 pm -- Work on syllabus

3:05 pm -- Stop working to diffuse meltdown because one twin took something from another

3:15 pm -- Work on syllabus again


3:45 pm -- drive to swim lessons


4:00 pm -- stamp PTA address on envelopes as part of volunteer obligation

5:00 pm -- drive home, make dinner

and on and on and on


I'm smiling because I love this. Did my syllabus get done yesterday? No. Did it get done today? No, but it is getting done, a little at a time. This means that things get done M U C H S L O W E R, but I get to be involved in so many things. It's all worth it.

I've been learning to do my job in between the myriad of activities that my kids need schlepping to. Working in snippets, I call it.

It's interesting how the "Mom Taxi" has such a bad rap. Yeah. It's a lot of miles and running around, but can you make it more interesting? How nice is it to sit and read a magazine, or get a little bit of work done while waiting for your kid to finish soccer practice? I find it an opportunity to work on projects one little bit at a time. Yesterday is a prime example. I watched my kids playing in the back yeard while I set up an online course interface platform. My friend brought over her kids to swim, and we took turns watching the kids and completing our "snippet" work.

I'm a classic procrastinator. When I was in college, I had to get a full time job so that I ONLY had certain times to do my homework. Now I HAVE to grade papers, answer emails, write, plan lessons in between taking my kids from here to there.

And I couldn't be happier about it.