Today's word is: Lazy
When Mommy works outside the home, each day is a whirlwind.
Driving to work, driving to school, driving to this thing and that thing.
A Mommy can get tired.
Even rarer is the Saturday when no one needs her services.
But when it comes, the lazy Saturday afternoon is a magical respite.
My favorite "cave:"
My king-sized bed, warm light dappling the floor from the west windows.
A blanket that weighs just right on my tired limbs
A purring kitty at my feet, and
A good book in my hand.
Bliss.
Showing posts with label time for me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label time for me. Show all posts
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
There's Something About That January Freshness....
Last January, I sat down with 2 friends, and made a list of goals for 2010. The categories on the form were:
Spiritual Unfoldment
Well Being
Loving Relationships
Abundant Expression (this means $$, I think)
Creative Expression
Other (for me, this is mostly "work", but it's also about integrity)
This list, withinsightful hopeful predictions for my behavior throughout the year, did drive the way I lived my life a little. I felt like there was some structure to what I was supposed to be doing, and that I had a reference if I found myself, like I often do in times of extreme overwhelm or self-doubt, unfulfilled, stagnant, or anxious. And while I did not accomplish everything on the list, I did go back and look at this list periodically throughout the year and try to move forward in each of my little goals.
Now, it's a whole fresh, new year. I love the new beginnings of it--my willingness to start over. January seems like the perfect time to do that. My kids went back to school this week, and I don't need to be back on campus to teach until next Monday, so this is my week to do those projections, to finish up those tasks begun last year whose incompletion continually fill me with a pending sense of failure. And, I'm going to think about what I can do differently this year to make my life more balanced and calm.
So, here goes:
Spiritual Unfoldment:
Last year I vowed to be less concerned about what people thought of me and more caring and useful to others is a selfless way, not just to be noticed for my accomplishments. I do tend to have such an ego. I think I want to have the neatest house, the most well-behaved and academically accomplished children, the most romantic relationship, and the most interesting creative endeavors, or at least my mind wants people to think I do. These are really just tricks my mind plays on me to trip me up in a real world. They're not entirely possible or desireable.
Last year's goal was meant to make a dent in that backwards, ingrained thinking. I am turning more to the universe, God, spiritual guiding light, whatever you want to call it, to counter the self-grandiose instincts that my mind still wants to lean toward. This year, I want to continue that same practice. It really does feel good.
Well Being:
Last year's goals in this category were all about eating and exercise. I did get a pretty good handle on the eating last year, and the exercise is going pretty well too. It's just something that I do everyday, not something I need to start again every month, year, Monday. This is a huge relief, by the way. I've struggled with weight and body image for years, and to have it be something that occurs in my life more effortlessly is a huge blessing. I do have to work on everything else in my life that makes me anxious, because if I don't, my tendency is to isolate and shut down, and that means no exercise and excess food--feels yucky, and I will continue to make this a life-long goal.
Loving Relationships:
This is where I need the most work. I have a significant goal for this year in terms of my relationships with each of my children that I wanted to work on last year, but dismally failed. I want to spend planned, individual one-on-one time with each child during which they get my undivided attention. There always seems to be something else that pulls me away from them--like reading (which I love and will steal away to do any time I can), writing, grading papers (and with online classes, this happens in front of the computer screen--definitely not undivided attention to kids), and all the distracting social networking with Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc. Not to mention that they are both completely obsessed with Pokemon right now, and I really don't want to hear about how to get past this or that level on the video game.
I do definitely spend time with the kids, but it's always with them together and that means bickering over who's going to pick what activity, song on the radio, snack-food item, you name it. Constant battle. So this year, one-on-one time. Check back on this one....
Also, on last year's goals list, I said that I would say one positive parenting observation to DG everyday. I didn't do this either. But it's still a good goal, one that I can realistically say that if I follow through on it, our family life will be infinitely better. I know that complementing the kids on what they're doing right works wonders to get them act appropriately, whereas nagging has the complete opposite effect. I'm learning that my nagging pattern with DG is having the exact same effect. He deserves better. He's a great dad, and I need to let him know.
Abundant Expression:
I think this is really a buzz phrase for bringing in more in your life. Last year, this was about money. Not so much bringing in more, but better managing what we've got. Budgets are always elusive for me, but without one, or at least some semblance of knowledge of what is coming in and what is going out, I can end up buying things I don't need, thereby creating more chaos in my life.
This year, I'm organizing every cabinet, closet and drawer in the house. This means I'll have an inventory of what we have and I won't end up buying 3 different sets of Easter hand towels because I can't find the original set I bought. This relates to bringing in more by actually getting by with less. More then becomes, instead of material things, order, peace, and time to enjoy my surroundings instead of spinning in the clutter.
Creative Expression:
So much belongs in this category: writing, scrapbooking, knitting, sewing, photography, dancing. It's hard to fit in all of these creative hobbies, but this year, I intend to find time for them all, even if it's just a little time on each one. I think it's important to do something creative every day, and while I can't obviously do all of these things in each day, I can knit one row in the scarf for T1, and I can take pictures of the pets with different exposures to learn more about the camera. I don't need to be an expert in any of these activities, but I do want to think, at the end of the day, "I created something today," and that will be enough.
Other (called work goals above):
So really anything can go here. Work wise, I plan to slow down, focus, and cross off 3 things from my project to-do list every day. I love my job, and sometimes it can feel overwhelming. Three things a day is doable, workable.
Other goals for 2011? Keep commitments, be kinder to others (especially my kids), practice patience.
I don't think these goals are necessarily lofty or unobtainable, and I don't even think they're the kinds of resolutions that I'll look back at next year and say, "Wow! I really didn't do any of this." These are ongoing ways of living that can enhance my day to day life and make each day have a little more purpose. And I'm ready to take on 2011 with purpose.
Spiritual Unfoldment
Well Being
Loving Relationships
Abundant Expression (this means $$, I think)
Creative Expression
Other (for me, this is mostly "work", but it's also about integrity)
This list, with
Now, it's a whole fresh, new year. I love the new beginnings of it--my willingness to start over. January seems like the perfect time to do that. My kids went back to school this week, and I don't need to be back on campus to teach until next Monday, so this is my week to do those projections, to finish up those tasks begun last year whose incompletion continually fill me with a pending sense of failure. And, I'm going to think about what I can do differently this year to make my life more balanced and calm.
So, here goes:
Spiritual Unfoldment:
Last year I vowed to be less concerned about what people thought of me and more caring and useful to others is a selfless way, not just to be noticed for my accomplishments. I do tend to have such an ego. I think I want to have the neatest house, the most well-behaved and academically accomplished children, the most romantic relationship, and the most interesting creative endeavors, or at least my mind wants people to think I do. These are really just tricks my mind plays on me to trip me up in a real world. They're not entirely possible or desireable.
Last year's goal was meant to make a dent in that backwards, ingrained thinking. I am turning more to the universe, God, spiritual guiding light, whatever you want to call it, to counter the self-grandiose instincts that my mind still wants to lean toward. This year, I want to continue that same practice. It really does feel good.
Well Being:
Last year's goals in this category were all about eating and exercise. I did get a pretty good handle on the eating last year, and the exercise is going pretty well too. It's just something that I do everyday, not something I need to start again every month, year, Monday. This is a huge relief, by the way. I've struggled with weight and body image for years, and to have it be something that occurs in my life more effortlessly is a huge blessing. I do have to work on everything else in my life that makes me anxious, because if I don't, my tendency is to isolate and shut down, and that means no exercise and excess food--feels yucky, and I will continue to make this a life-long goal.
Loving Relationships:
This is where I need the most work. I have a significant goal for this year in terms of my relationships with each of my children that I wanted to work on last year, but dismally failed. I want to spend planned, individual one-on-one time with each child during which they get my undivided attention. There always seems to be something else that pulls me away from them--like reading (which I love and will steal away to do any time I can), writing, grading papers (and with online classes, this happens in front of the computer screen--definitely not undivided attention to kids), and all the distracting social networking with Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc. Not to mention that they are both completely obsessed with Pokemon right now, and I really don't want to hear about how to get past this or that level on the video game.
I do definitely spend time with the kids, but it's always with them together and that means bickering over who's going to pick what activity, song on the radio, snack-food item, you name it. Constant battle. So this year, one-on-one time. Check back on this one....
Also, on last year's goals list, I said that I would say one positive parenting observation to DG everyday. I didn't do this either. But it's still a good goal, one that I can realistically say that if I follow through on it, our family life will be infinitely better. I know that complementing the kids on what they're doing right works wonders to get them act appropriately, whereas nagging has the complete opposite effect. I'm learning that my nagging pattern with DG is having the exact same effect. He deserves better. He's a great dad, and I need to let him know.
Abundant Expression:
I think this is really a buzz phrase for bringing in more in your life. Last year, this was about money. Not so much bringing in more, but better managing what we've got. Budgets are always elusive for me, but without one, or at least some semblance of knowledge of what is coming in and what is going out, I can end up buying things I don't need, thereby creating more chaos in my life.
This year, I'm organizing every cabinet, closet and drawer in the house. This means I'll have an inventory of what we have and I won't end up buying 3 different sets of Easter hand towels because I can't find the original set I bought. This relates to bringing in more by actually getting by with less. More then becomes, instead of material things, order, peace, and time to enjoy my surroundings instead of spinning in the clutter.
Creative Expression:
So much belongs in this category: writing, scrapbooking, knitting, sewing, photography, dancing. It's hard to fit in all of these creative hobbies, but this year, I intend to find time for them all, even if it's just a little time on each one. I think it's important to do something creative every day, and while I can't obviously do all of these things in each day, I can knit one row in the scarf for T1, and I can take pictures of the pets with different exposures to learn more about the camera. I don't need to be an expert in any of these activities, but I do want to think, at the end of the day, "I created something today," and that will be enough.
Other (called work goals above):
So really anything can go here. Work wise, I plan to slow down, focus, and cross off 3 things from my project to-do list every day. I love my job, and sometimes it can feel overwhelming. Three things a day is doable, workable.
Other goals for 2011? Keep commitments, be kinder to others (especially my kids), practice patience.
I don't think these goals are necessarily lofty or unobtainable, and I don't even think they're the kinds of resolutions that I'll look back at next year and say, "Wow! I really didn't do any of this." These are ongoing ways of living that can enhance my day to day life and make each day have a little more purpose. And I'm ready to take on 2011 with purpose.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I did it
Well, I did it. I finished National Blog Posting Month with this, my 30th post in 30 days. I am humbled by the perseverance required to write and publish everyday, and I learned a few things:
1. I can find some topics to write about that might be of interest to myself and maybe a couple of others.
2. The practice of writing everyday is very good for my writing skills. It's a lesson in craftsmanship. One has to think about structure, vocabulary, purpose and breadth.
3. While the practice of writing everyday is good for writing, publishing everyday is not. There were very many days this month when it pained me to push that publish button. I know that if I had more time, if I thought a little bit more, my posts would be more interesting. I mean, who really wants to hear every, little mundane detail of someone else's life? For me, it's better to write when I have something to say.
4. I can show my children through my example that when you commit to something, you must fulfill this commitment. A couple of times when I wanted to quit, I knew that I'd be sending the wrong message.
So now that it's over, what am I going to do with all that free time? Maybe I'll pay a little more attention to my kids. Maybe I'll be able to read more books. Maybe I'll have that time to organize my office.Maybe I'll think of more blog topics. I don't think I'll publish everyday anymore, but I do know that I'll keep writing. It's what I do.
Thanks for coming along with me this month. It's been quite a ride. Now, I'm going to hibernate......
1. I can find some topics to write about that might be of interest to myself and maybe a couple of others.
2. The practice of writing everyday is very good for my writing skills. It's a lesson in craftsmanship. One has to think about structure, vocabulary, purpose and breadth.
3. While the practice of writing everyday is good for writing, publishing everyday is not. There were very many days this month when it pained me to push that publish button. I know that if I had more time, if I thought a little bit more, my posts would be more interesting. I mean, who really wants to hear every, little mundane detail of someone else's life? For me, it's better to write when I have something to say.
4. I can show my children through my example that when you commit to something, you must fulfill this commitment. A couple of times when I wanted to quit, I knew that I'd be sending the wrong message.
So now that it's over, what am I going to do with all that free time? Maybe I'll pay a little more attention to my kids. Maybe I'll be able to read more books. Maybe I'll have that time to organize my office.Maybe I'll think of more blog topics. I don't think I'll publish everyday anymore, but I do know that I'll keep writing. It's what I do.
Thanks for coming along with me this month. It's been quite a ride. Now, I'm going to hibernate......
Monday, November 22, 2010
Almost There
Wow. I can't believe it. I've got one more week and one day before the end of National Blog Posting Month. I can't believe I've made it this far, posting everyday. Meanwhile, I'm not getting ANY sleep, but hey, that's what coffee's for. And my office looks like this.
This is what it's come to, but I'm almost there. And you know that innane saying? "Dull women have immaculate homes." I must be freakin' fascinating.....
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| Can you see DG buried there? |
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| Damn, no wonder I lost my USB drive with ALL my work on it. |
 | |||
| Oh, yeah, and there's this: last month's camping gear, a letterpress print and some knitting. |
This is what it's come to, but I'm almost there. And you know that innane saying? "Dull women have immaculate homes." I must be freakin' fascinating.....
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Finding the Working Mom Blogs
I'm on the search for more blogs written by moms who work outside the home. I have found some cool ones written by moms whose job is to write the working mom blogs, (like Working Moms Blog and Working Moms Against Guilt) but not many when the mom has another, completely different job, but still wants to write her own personal blog.
This got me thinking. Why is it that there are so many fewer "working mom" blogs than "SAHM blogs?" It's not that SAHMs have more time. I know they clearly don't. In fact, when you're working at a job, (for the most part) you really actually have more time to concentrate on yourself and to work at a pace that seems infinitely slower than what happens at home (well, at least it does for me). No, it can't be the time. Is it that SAHMs have more to say? It's true, that most of the working mom blogs that I've seen have short posts and longer time between regular postings. No, that can't be it either.
I suppose at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. SAHMs and working moms have much in common. They both have to get kids fed, get baths, homework, papers signed and with backpacks, and the list goes on and on. And as far as blogs go, I find that I want to read those that provide me with a little bit of diversion from regular routine of my life. When I read them, I am reminded that we're all trying to float in the same boat--raising kids in a world that has spectacular demands on your time and energy. And that is why I find the time to read: Aging Mommy, Organic Motherhood with Coolwhip, Clueless but Hopeful Mama, Mommywords, Life in a Tiny Town and Swistle among many others.
Trying to balance between work and family is hard enough without any sense of knowing that you're not alone in this endeavor. I'm so grateful for my friends and family who read my boring musings, and I'm grateful for mom bloggers--SAHM, WAHM or work outside the home mom--who show me how they do it.
This got me thinking. Why is it that there are so many fewer "working mom" blogs than "SAHM blogs?" It's not that SAHMs have more time. I know they clearly don't. In fact, when you're working at a job, (for the most part) you really actually have more time to concentrate on yourself and to work at a pace that seems infinitely slower than what happens at home (well, at least it does for me). No, it can't be the time. Is it that SAHMs have more to say? It's true, that most of the working mom blogs that I've seen have short posts and longer time between regular postings. No, that can't be it either.
I suppose at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. SAHMs and working moms have much in common. They both have to get kids fed, get baths, homework, papers signed and with backpacks, and the list goes on and on. And as far as blogs go, I find that I want to read those that provide me with a little bit of diversion from regular routine of my life. When I read them, I am reminded that we're all trying to float in the same boat--raising kids in a world that has spectacular demands on your time and energy. And that is why I find the time to read: Aging Mommy, Organic Motherhood with Coolwhip, Clueless but Hopeful Mama, Mommywords, Life in a Tiny Town and Swistle among many others.
Trying to balance between work and family is hard enough without any sense of knowing that you're not alone in this endeavor. I'm so grateful for my friends and family who read my boring musings, and I'm grateful for mom bloggers--SAHM, WAHM or work outside the home mom--who show me how they do it.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
The Business Trip--the Stay-At-Home Version
DG went to Santa Barbara on a business trip yesterday, and while he's only going to be gone overnight (he'll be back today to go to a wedding), I'm reminded of all the reasons why I like a business trip when I go. The best benefits (working moms, tell me that this is not better than a spa weekend) are staying in a hotel room by yourself, ordering room service so you don't have to actually talk to anyone or have anyone talk to you, catching up on horrible reality TV (last time I was gone, I watched Jerseylicious. I mean, the name alone, right?), and the QUIET--seriously, the quiet to read and write is truly the best part.
But this time, I was the stay-at-home parent. Seriously, one day is no big deal at all, but there are definitely some pros and cons of being at home as the only parent (of course, single parents do this all the time, and I whole heartedly admire them and their ability to balance).
PRO: I get the whole bed to myself to spread out my books, magazines--maybe a tray with tea.
CON: It's a little disconcerting to turn out the lights at the end of the night knowing I'm the only adult in the house. Leads me to some irrational fears. You know, the kind like Michael Myers from Halloween with the hockey mask is lurking at my window? What? You don't do that? See what I mean? My wild imagination is definitely a con.
PRO: When it's morning, we all get up at the same time. DG's a late-sleeper. Seriously, he'd sleep until noon every day if he could. Okay, maybe 11, but no earlier if he could help it.
CON: The day seems loooooonnnggg when you're you're up early and you're the only adult in the house. And LOUD. Did I mention I like it quiet?
PRO: I don't really need to cook. Somehow, having the whole family home makes me feel more responsible for putting a healthy meal on the table. Not that I have the time to do it more than about 3 days a week, but when it's just me and the kids, popcorn and a fruit smoothie is a perfectly suitable dinner.
CON: Too much sugar makes that day even longer.
PRO: There's one less person to get out the door. 'nuf said.
CON: I miss having DG here. We see so little of each other during the week as it is, having him gone over the weekend makes me miss him even more.
Again, I have no reason to whine when it's only one day. The pros far out weigh the cons over one day. Still, I'll be glad when he gets home. And the kids will too.
But this time, I was the stay-at-home parent. Seriously, one day is no big deal at all, but there are definitely some pros and cons of being at home as the only parent (of course, single parents do this all the time, and I whole heartedly admire them and their ability to balance).
PRO: I get the whole bed to myself to spread out my books, magazines--maybe a tray with tea.
CON: It's a little disconcerting to turn out the lights at the end of the night knowing I'm the only adult in the house. Leads me to some irrational fears. You know, the kind like Michael Myers from Halloween with the hockey mask is lurking at my window? What? You don't do that? See what I mean? My wild imagination is definitely a con.
PRO: When it's morning, we all get up at the same time. DG's a late-sleeper. Seriously, he'd sleep until noon every day if he could. Okay, maybe 11, but no earlier if he could help it.
CON: The day seems loooooonnnggg when you're you're up early and you're the only adult in the house. And LOUD. Did I mention I like it quiet?
PRO: I don't really need to cook. Somehow, having the whole family home makes me feel more responsible for putting a healthy meal on the table. Not that I have the time to do it more than about 3 days a week, but when it's just me and the kids, popcorn and a fruit smoothie is a perfectly suitable dinner.
CON: Too much sugar makes that day even longer.
PRO: There's one less person to get out the door. 'nuf said.
CON: I miss having DG here. We see so little of each other during the week as it is, having him gone over the weekend makes me miss him even more.
Again, I have no reason to whine when it's only one day. The pros far out weigh the cons over one day. Still, I'll be glad when he gets home. And the kids will too.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
A blog post a day keeps the cobwebs away
This year, I've decided to join NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) which traditionally takes place in November. The idea is simple--you post something every day for 30 days. What?!?! you say. Has she lost her job? No, more like I might have lost a part of my mind, but actually, that's not it at all.
I'm a writing teacher (academic writing, you know, like compositions and stuff--not so creative). I tell my students daily that the best way to be a better writer is to write often. NaBloPoMo is exactly this kind of exercise--an exercise in perseverance that one hopes will lead to better writing.
So I'm going to write. a lot. November is one of the most exciting months in our house as the twins birthday falls in November, Thanksgiving always leads to lots of interesting family drama that could be fun to read (I mean, who doesn't have drama surrounding Thanksgiving?), and Hanukkah falls early this year. Yay. Hopefully this means I'll have lots to say.
NaBloPoMo is a way for me to keep up with the practice. If you get this blog through your email, feel free to just delete them as they come through every day, or browse and discard. Whatever works, but don't feel obligated read all of my innane musings mostly stemming from the crap I think about while driving around all day. It's shaping up to be a rocky month...
I'm a writing teacher (academic writing, you know, like compositions and stuff--not so creative). I tell my students daily that the best way to be a better writer is to write often. NaBloPoMo is exactly this kind of exercise--an exercise in perseverance that one hopes will lead to better writing.
So I'm going to write. a lot. November is one of the most exciting months in our house as the twins birthday falls in November, Thanksgiving always leads to lots of interesting family drama that could be fun to read (I mean, who doesn't have drama surrounding Thanksgiving?), and Hanukkah falls early this year. Yay. Hopefully this means I'll have lots to say.
NaBloPoMo is a way for me to keep up with the practice. If you get this blog through your email, feel free to just delete them as they come through every day, or browse and discard. Whatever works, but don't feel obligated read all of my innane musings mostly stemming from the crap I think about while driving around all day. It's shaping up to be a rocky month...
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The Joys of October
Just to recap--my trip to Lake Tahoe earlier this month with my sister was wonderful. I always get so much out of being with her. I'm reminded of when we were kids and had nothing but time to play together. The scenery in Lake Tahoe was beautiful. And my sister's dog, Little Hawk took in every part of it.
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The scarf is tucked behind the shoulder on account of the fact that it is still not done. Super cute knitted scarf takes a loooong time!
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| The view outside the cabin |
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| Crazy how we have the twins-y hair cuts, no? |
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| Ok, show of hands, how many think this is the cutest dog EVER? |
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This has been a relatively cool October in Southern California. I am perpetually confounded by the weather lately, as October, in the recent past, has been extraordinarily hot. But this year, I’ve been breaking out the Crockpot, wearing sweaters, and driving in the rain—an extreme sport in Southern California. The weather definitely is getting me in the mood for Halloween.
Usually, beginning in early September, when the costume catalogs start showing up in the mailbox, we trek on down to the party store, peruse the wall of adorable looking children in cute looking costumes, and the kids point ecstatically, “that one, that one!”
Down comes the industrial plastic bag with a handle fused to the top, and the kids extract the crappy acetate, shoddily constructed, ill-fitting costume with many ooohs and aahhhs. From me, it’s more like ewwwws and ooohhhs. How could this possibly be the same as that picture on the wall? I don’t know why I’m surprised, but the quality of the packaged costume is never as good as I think it’s going to be.
That’s why, this year, I worked on persuading my kids to go with the homemade Halloween costume. Oh, I know this means work for me, and as a mom who has a job that I have to go to everyday, this presents the age old dilemma of how do I find enough time to do this. Well, here’s my mindset on time lately…..
You can find the time to do anything if you really want to do it. So I set out to make Halloween costumes in my spare time. I had to start in September, but I think it's finally come together.
T1 wants to be Voldemort (you know, the most villainous of all villains--He Who Must Not Be Named). So I figured, easy; some robes, some scary make-up and we're done. We were going for this:
I made this:
Not to be out-Harry-Potter-ed, T2 decided to be Hermione. I found this cute photo of the "smartest witch of her age" and decided to copy this:
We had the robe and Gryffindor tie from last year when T1 was the ubiquitous boy wizard. So it was fairly easy to put together this:
The scarf is tucked behind the shoulder on account of the fact that it is still not done. Super cute knitted scarf takes a loooong time!
I was having so much fun making costumes, that I decided to keep on going. What's a few more, when you're already on a roll?
We had tickets to Mickey's Halloween Party at Disneyland. It's a costume party, trick-or-treating extravaganza inside Disneyland Park that runs through October. So really, it's like Halloween night every night. Our kids literally came home with SIX pounds of candy. I kid you not. DG said, with the same tone as the proverbial "walked-to-school-in-the-snow" speech, "When I was a kid, we went trick-or-treating once--on Halloween."
Well, if you're trick-or-treating twice, you need two costumes, right? I made us into a pirate family.
DG got the pirate vest and pirate bustiers at the 99 cent store. I coupled them with striped tights and made raggedy pants and skirts. T1 didn't want to wear the paper 99 cent store vest, and I can't say that I blame him, so I cut that skull and crossbones from an old, white T-shirt and sewed it on the red one. He loved it!
I'm still so shocked that I had the gumption to make all these costumes, but now that it's all done, and we're really for Halloween, I am pleased with myself. Not only did I accomplish something I set out to do, rather than scrapping the projects with a defeatist "Oh well, I didn't have time to do this anyway," but also I rekindled that DIY, homemade part of myself that so rarely gets let out these days. Being creative feeds my soul, and while there is an element of creativity in my job everyday, it's nice to make something with my hands and soak in the gratitude when the kids say, "Thank you, Mommy! I love this costume!" (No really, I'm not lying--they both said that. *shock*)
Kinda makes me want to get ready for the next project. Do you think maybe they'll need costumes for the school Holiday show?
Friday, October 8, 2010
The Getaway
Okay, after all my bitching and complaining about all I have to do, and how can I find time for it all, I get to have the opposite this weekend. I am traveling to Northern California to go to Lake Tahoe with my sister and her husband's family. This is by myself--without my husband and kids. I go to Northern California every fall to visit with my sister.
I don't think there is a person in the world who gets me better. She's like the other half of my brain and soul. We have been each other's best friend and confidant since we were little girls. When she moved away, I knew that it would be so important for us to continue to keep the lazy togetherness of our childhood alive--times when we just sit together in the same room, but don't need to talk, and then we can talk for hours, long into the night about ANYTHING. Our unusual sister-bond is remarkable by most standards, and I long to spend time with her. Now it's here.
I can't think of a better place to rejuvenate than Lake Tahoe. I intend to suck in the mountain air until my lungs are filled with the richness of fall. I'm going to knit (I'm making a scarf for T2's Hermione costume), watch movies, and sleep. Oh, glorious sleep.
And at home, I know everything will be fine. DG is a superdad. He actually is excited to take the kids to all their activities (Oh boy, it's a lot too--a future post that I am definitely itching to get out--lots of opinions). Two soccer games on Saturday, two different classes for both kids today at different locations during the same time. DG'll get a taste of mom taxi for sure.
And when I get back, I'll hug them and I'll be a better mommy because I'll get to remember who I am. Do you ever take time for yourself away from home without the kids?
I don't think there is a person in the world who gets me better. She's like the other half of my brain and soul. We have been each other's best friend and confidant since we were little girls. When she moved away, I knew that it would be so important for us to continue to keep the lazy togetherness of our childhood alive--times when we just sit together in the same room, but don't need to talk, and then we can talk for hours, long into the night about ANYTHING. Our unusual sister-bond is remarkable by most standards, and I long to spend time with her. Now it's here.
I can't think of a better place to rejuvenate than Lake Tahoe. I intend to suck in the mountain air until my lungs are filled with the richness of fall. I'm going to knit (I'm making a scarf for T2's Hermione costume), watch movies, and sleep. Oh, glorious sleep.
And at home, I know everything will be fine. DG is a superdad. He actually is excited to take the kids to all their activities (Oh boy, it's a lot too--a future post that I am definitely itching to get out--lots of opinions). Two soccer games on Saturday, two different classes for both kids today at different locations during the same time. DG'll get a taste of mom taxi for sure.
And when I get back, I'll hug them and I'll be a better mommy because I'll get to remember who I am. Do you ever take time for yourself away from home without the kids?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Toppling Plates Revisited
So the balance theme continues to permeate my posts, and sometimes, I gotta say, I find it so redundant. I mean EVERY mom deals with this, right? Meanwhile, maybe that's why it gets so much attention--because we all deal with it. As an older mom, I had a lifetime of experience before I had kids. When your life changes so dramatically, and you keep trying to have parts of the old life peppered into the new one, there's going to be some roadblocks. I'm getting more creative in navigating roadblocks and finding detours that I didn't even know existed.
I took some actions last week to try to get past my roadblocks and find fulfillment in my varied life. (I know--this is a quality problem--sometimes I feel like I don't even have a right to complain because my life is so blessed, but here goes anyway.)
First, I wanted to try going offline for a while. No reading and commenting on blogs, no Twitter (okay--that one's easy to fit in, so I only stayed away from that for 3 days), no Facebook. I found I was focused and productive in my job and present with my children. I was in mono-tasking mode. Felt very old school, but strangely rewarding--for a time.
I assessed things that are important to me. Is it important that my kids get to every single soccer practice or dance class in the week? Not really. What is important to me is taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and creatively. I have one of those unfortunate, narcissistic personality traits of wanting other people to see me as a vibrant and valuable participant in all I do. In all the roles of my life--wife, mother, professor, blogger, crafter, writer, cook, and volunteer--I want people to see that I'm doing a good job. And while this has always been important to me, I am starting to shift toward seeing what I do as good enough for me regardless of what anyone else thinks.
I made a schedule. In order to fit in everything I want to do in my day, I had to come to the realization that I can't do everything everyday. It's got to be compartmentalized. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday-- work out. Tuesday, Thursday, Friday--writing. Like that. Scheduling is what I hound down my students' throats on a daily basis. It's about time I tried it myself.
I forgave myself. I can't be all things to all people. I'm a perfectionist, and trying to stay the perfect everything is exhausting and demoralizing. I downsizing my big personality.
I don't know how long this new "c'est la vie" attitude will last, but I'm going to keep working on it.
I took some actions last week to try to get past my roadblocks and find fulfillment in my varied life. (I know--this is a quality problem--sometimes I feel like I don't even have a right to complain because my life is so blessed, but here goes anyway.)
First, I wanted to try going offline for a while. No reading and commenting on blogs, no Twitter (okay--that one's easy to fit in, so I only stayed away from that for 3 days), no Facebook. I found I was focused and productive in my job and present with my children. I was in mono-tasking mode. Felt very old school, but strangely rewarding--for a time.
I assessed things that are important to me. Is it important that my kids get to every single soccer practice or dance class in the week? Not really. What is important to me is taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and creatively. I have one of those unfortunate, narcissistic personality traits of wanting other people to see me as a vibrant and valuable participant in all I do. In all the roles of my life--wife, mother, professor, blogger, crafter, writer, cook, and volunteer--I want people to see that I'm doing a good job. And while this has always been important to me, I am starting to shift toward seeing what I do as good enough for me regardless of what anyone else thinks.
I made a schedule. In order to fit in everything I want to do in my day, I had to come to the realization that I can't do everything everyday. It's got to be compartmentalized. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday-- work out. Tuesday, Thursday, Friday--writing. Like that. Scheduling is what I hound down my students' throats on a daily basis. It's about time I tried it myself.
I forgave myself. I can't be all things to all people. I'm a perfectionist, and trying to stay the perfect everything is exhausting and demoralizing. I downsizing my big personality.
I don't know how long this new "c'est la vie" attitude will last, but I'm going to keep working on it.
Friday, September 17, 2010
When the Spinning Plates Begin to Topple
I work at a job that I love. After a disappointing undergraduate experience that I barely passed, I finally found my passion in my late 20s and decided to go for it. This meant another 3 years of graduate school, teaching part-time at 3 or 4 different community colleges for a few more years as a "freeway flyer," and finally landing a tenured position teaching (as opposed to "publishing") at an institution of higher learning a full 11 years after I finished my undergraduate degree.
I remember sitting in my office in my first semester and the president of the college, a good 'ol boys' good 'ol boy, came in to see me, and, in the course of our conversation, he said, "You know, this is the best job in the world. And even more so for a woman (as an aside, what you need to know about this guy is that he later was removed from a Chancellorship for sexual harassment and indiscretions. Not really the most tactful with the ladies). There's a lot of flexibility when you have your children." Well, of course I was offended. "What?" I thought. "Do you have any idea what I went through to land this job? There were 120 applicants for my job. If you think for one minute I'm going to throw it away for a life of wiping snotty noses, you've got another thing coming, buddy." Besides, I was single--no sign of a husband or children on the horizon, so I was good, I thought.
But I did get married, and I did have children. And he was right. I took off for 6 months after the babies were born. I taught at night so I could be home with them during the day. I taught online, logging in at night and on weekends and in snippets of time between feedings and diaper changes. I do work outside the home now, so I use the after-school program a few days a week. I can mold my schedule so that I can stay at work late a couple of days and still be available to drive the kids around to their throngs of extra curricular activities.
This is dreamy, is it not? It's the ideal situation that so many working moms crave--a chance to be fulfilled and stimulated intellectually while still being able to be the nurturing, available caregiver. I presumably have the best of both worlds. If that's the case, then why do I feel like I'm floundering in both of these areas for which I have a huge responsibility? The balance I'm so craving seems far outside my reach right now.
I recently read a report on the myth of multitasking. The report states that people don't technically use their brains doing more than one thing at a time, but rather, their brains are actually shifting in rapid-fire succession between things. I feel like this is what I'm doing all the time. I mean, even in the course of writing this post, I've had to get up to let the dog out and pause to give my son some homeopathic drops for the cough that is keeping him up and in my face. Not only am I physically torn away from the moment, but my brain is rapidly moving back and forth like a schizophrenic metronome. I am, therefore, failing a little bit at everything I do. I don't want to be perfect, but I would like to feel a little more peace.
Recently I found myself wanting to retire from my job--not quit, not get another job--retire. Obviously a momentary lapse in reasoning and logic, right? I was longing for more time to read and write for my own personal fulfillment, and retirement seemed the only reasonable way that this could happen? Clearly I've got to make some changes. What those need to be, I don't know.
But I do know this. I have an obligation to both my job and my family. I have to keep the job (without it, the family would not have health insurance) and I have to raise the kids. I have a responsibility to be present and wholly focused on each one when I'm engaged with it. I need to make space in my life for those little moments that absolutely make time race.
How can I do this? Am I just chasing the mythological life of the Supermom? Will my brain explode as I try to tweet about my kids' morning routine while preparing for my class while driving in the car? Something's gotta give.
How do you balance personal fulfillment with parenting?
I remember sitting in my office in my first semester and the president of the college, a good 'ol boys' good 'ol boy, came in to see me, and, in the course of our conversation, he said, "You know, this is the best job in the world. And even more so for a woman (as an aside, what you need to know about this guy is that he later was removed from a Chancellorship for sexual harassment and indiscretions. Not really the most tactful with the ladies). There's a lot of flexibility when you have your children." Well, of course I was offended. "What?" I thought. "Do you have any idea what I went through to land this job? There were 120 applicants for my job. If you think for one minute I'm going to throw it away for a life of wiping snotty noses, you've got another thing coming, buddy." Besides, I was single--no sign of a husband or children on the horizon, so I was good, I thought.
But I did get married, and I did have children. And he was right. I took off for 6 months after the babies were born. I taught at night so I could be home with them during the day. I taught online, logging in at night and on weekends and in snippets of time between feedings and diaper changes. I do work outside the home now, so I use the after-school program a few days a week. I can mold my schedule so that I can stay at work late a couple of days and still be available to drive the kids around to their throngs of extra curricular activities.
This is dreamy, is it not? It's the ideal situation that so many working moms crave--a chance to be fulfilled and stimulated intellectually while still being able to be the nurturing, available caregiver. I presumably have the best of both worlds. If that's the case, then why do I feel like I'm floundering in both of these areas for which I have a huge responsibility? The balance I'm so craving seems far outside my reach right now.
I recently read a report on the myth of multitasking. The report states that people don't technically use their brains doing more than one thing at a time, but rather, their brains are actually shifting in rapid-fire succession between things. I feel like this is what I'm doing all the time. I mean, even in the course of writing this post, I've had to get up to let the dog out and pause to give my son some homeopathic drops for the cough that is keeping him up and in my face. Not only am I physically torn away from the moment, but my brain is rapidly moving back and forth like a schizophrenic metronome. I am, therefore, failing a little bit at everything I do. I don't want to be perfect, but I would like to feel a little more peace.
Recently I found myself wanting to retire from my job--not quit, not get another job--retire. Obviously a momentary lapse in reasoning and logic, right? I was longing for more time to read and write for my own personal fulfillment, and retirement seemed the only reasonable way that this could happen? Clearly I've got to make some changes. What those need to be, I don't know.
But I do know this. I have an obligation to both my job and my family. I have to keep the job (without it, the family would not have health insurance) and I have to raise the kids. I have a responsibility to be present and wholly focused on each one when I'm engaged with it. I need to make space in my life for those little moments that absolutely make time race.
How can I do this? Am I just chasing the mythological life of the Supermom? Will my brain explode as I try to tweet about my kids' morning routine while preparing for my class while driving in the car? Something's gotta give.
How do you balance personal fulfillment with parenting?
Thursday, August 19, 2010
And the Camp Mom Award for Engaged Kids goes to Team Twins!
One of the best benefits of my job as a professor is having summers off (mostly--I usually have to work for 6 weeks of it) with my kids. It means that I don't have to scramble to find some stimulating activity for them from the 3rd week in June until September 1st. Here's where it gets complicated though. Since I do have to work a little in the summer AND my semester begins at the wildly inconvenient time of the 3rd week in August, I do have to put the kids in some kind of part-time summer activity day camp. This year, they did summer school and camp through the local school district and seemed to have a really good time.
Summer is almost over and the kids will be heading back to school with what I hope are sweet memories of our travels, fun days at summer day camp, and time at home with each other and me. As a working mom, I always look forward to the time I get at home with them. I get to be a stay-at-home mom for a sweet month. And I always dream that this time will be filled with crafts and art projects, baking and swimming and card-playing. Instead, I'm distracted by my own desire to read or sew or edit photos--write a blog, maybe. It's mind boggling how I can want to be with them so badly, and when we are together for a day, I struggle with giving them my undivided attention.
Cut to 7-year-old twins being silly, ramping each other up, getting critical about who is getting what turn, and then, ultimately, trying to kill each other from the togetherness. Quick, Mom, do something!!!! It's time to engage (like Elastigirl says to Mr. Incredible).
Enter Camp Mom. I thought if I could replicate all the fun of camp at home and give the kiddies some purpose for the time together, we'd all have a better summer. I came up with a schedule of activities for the whole day. Campers had to tidy up their "cabins" (rooms), pick a team mascot (stuffed animal), and create a team song to perform during the night time "campfire." We had a scooter race, obstacle course, scavenger hunt (otherwise know as shopping at Trader Joe's). They created cards for their grandfather, something I had begged them to do for days, that they were finally willing to do under the guise of the "Bon Voyage Boat Craft" at Camp Mom.
At the end of Camp Mom, teams were awarded "Trophies" that they had helped design.
There were a few teachable moments during the day. The team competitions really had them in a frenzy over fairness. Having points awarded based on being the fastest or jumping the farthest taught them about sportsmanship (after a considerable amount of crying). Creativity points were awarded to the most thoughtful mascot decoration or "cabin" arrangement, presenting them with a stronger sense of perseverance and attention to detail. T1 said at one point, "I was having so much fun that I forgot that I hadn't played my DS!" Really? You mean I can get your face out of that machine by providing you with a creative endeavor that speaks to your sense of competition? Why had I never tried this before?
More than the success of Camp Mom as far as the kids were concerned, (trophies! field trips! treats!) was the complete sense of engagement with each other. I got what I had been looking for all summer. While I know that this wasn't rocket science, and that creative moms do stuff like this everyday, for me, it was a triumph over the anxiety that sometimes takes over when I try to figure out how I'm going to be with my kids and accomplish all the things that fulfill me at the same time. I gave myself over completely to the nurturing of these children, without the distraction of the work that I wanted to get done, for this one day, and it felt right.
While we were at the park, me orchestrating an obstacle course race, another parent commented on what we were doing. "That's quite a system you've got going there. Have you been doing this all summer?" I laughed. "Are you kidding?" I said, "we've only been doing this for today!" But for that one day, we were a unit--like a real camp. We had a common goal--to have fun together--and that we did.
Think I should put together Camp Mom for this fall? Hmmmm.
Summer is almost over and the kids will be heading back to school with what I hope are sweet memories of our travels, fun days at summer day camp, and time at home with each other and me. As a working mom, I always look forward to the time I get at home with them. I get to be a stay-at-home mom for a sweet month. And I always dream that this time will be filled with crafts and art projects, baking and swimming and card-playing. Instead, I'm distracted by my own desire to read or sew or edit photos--write a blog, maybe. It's mind boggling how I can want to be with them so badly, and when we are together for a day, I struggle with giving them my undivided attention.
Cut to 7-year-old twins being silly, ramping each other up, getting critical about who is getting what turn, and then, ultimately, trying to kill each other from the togetherness. Quick, Mom, do something!!!! It's time to engage (like Elastigirl says to Mr. Incredible).
Enter Camp Mom. I thought if I could replicate all the fun of camp at home and give the kiddies some purpose for the time together, we'd all have a better summer. I came up with a schedule of activities for the whole day. Campers had to tidy up their "cabins" (rooms), pick a team mascot (stuffed animal), and create a team song to perform during the night time "campfire." We had a scooter race, obstacle course, scavenger hunt (otherwise know as shopping at Trader Joe's). They created cards for their grandfather, something I had begged them to do for days, that they were finally willing to do under the guise of the "Bon Voyage Boat Craft" at Camp Mom.
At the end of Camp Mom, teams were awarded "Trophies" that they had helped design.
There were a few teachable moments during the day. The team competitions really had them in a frenzy over fairness. Having points awarded based on being the fastest or jumping the farthest taught them about sportsmanship (after a considerable amount of crying). Creativity points were awarded to the most thoughtful mascot decoration or "cabin" arrangement, presenting them with a stronger sense of perseverance and attention to detail. T1 said at one point, "I was having so much fun that I forgot that I hadn't played my DS!" Really? You mean I can get your face out of that machine by providing you with a creative endeavor that speaks to your sense of competition? Why had I never tried this before?
More than the success of Camp Mom as far as the kids were concerned, (trophies! field trips! treats!) was the complete sense of engagement with each other. I got what I had been looking for all summer. While I know that this wasn't rocket science, and that creative moms do stuff like this everyday, for me, it was a triumph over the anxiety that sometimes takes over when I try to figure out how I'm going to be with my kids and accomplish all the things that fulfill me at the same time. I gave myself over completely to the nurturing of these children, without the distraction of the work that I wanted to get done, for this one day, and it felt right.
While we were at the park, me orchestrating an obstacle course race, another parent commented on what we were doing. "That's quite a system you've got going there. Have you been doing this all summer?" I laughed. "Are you kidding?" I said, "we've only been doing this for today!" But for that one day, we were a unit--like a real camp. We had a common goal--to have fun together--and that we did.
Think I should put together Camp Mom for this fall? Hmmmm.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Oh, the Pressure!
Don't you hate it when you have a million blog post ideas in your head, and instead of drafting or writing, you just think about them everyday, and when evening comes, and you think you want to write one, you're so burned out after doing the dishes and making the lunches and cleaning the fish tank that clever, witty posts elude you?
I know I sure hate that.
I know I sure hate that.
Monday, January 4, 2010
As Time Goes By, the Future Glints on the Horizon
Between 2000 and 2010, so many life-altering things happened in my life. And while 10 years seems like a really long time, as I put together more decades, I am ever more cognizant of how short those 10 years can be. In the past 10 years, I got married, became a homeowner, had 2 children--at the same time--, moved to the suburbs, and became a tenured professor in my job. Those are pretty big things, and of most of them, I am extraordinarily proud and extremely ecstatic. I can't believe that my life has gone in the direction it has; in 1997, I thought my life was over. I had given up the idea of the bucolic, serene life with a family and the white picket fence, but now I actually have that, and I am overjoyed at my good fortune.
Don't get me wrong; you all know how life with kids can be. It's hectic, messy--hell, I won't even think about buying a nice rug or furniture until sometime in the next decade. Oy, and if I think about the stress of keeping them safe, or making sure that they grow up learning how to be polite and generous, or making sure that their elementary school experience ensures they get into a good college, I'm as agitated as a a 16-year-old whose cell phone battery just went out while waiting in line for his license at the DMV.
But I think the next decade holds some magic for me too. I have things that I can't wait for and things that I certainly could live without, but I know are coming in the next 10 years.
In the next 10 years,
I will turn 50
My children will be teenagers
DG's range of motion will lessen with the RA
I will probably get a new dog (which means my beloved Jack will move on--he's already 13 for God's sake)
It will finally be time for new, adult, not hand-me-down furniture
The kids will stop wanting to hang out with me
My sister and I will grow closer
I might lose my mother and/or father
DG and I can have date night without having to hire a babysitter
My metabolism will slow even further and I will probably gain weight
I will go through menopause
I'll bet my style will change; I'll no longer try to get away with some curvy-girl version of skinny jeans
I'll be able to renovate the back yard, pool area, and actually want to spend time out there
DG and I might be able to take a vacation longer than 1 week
I'll probably go to Disneyland a hundred more times
One thing I hope happens is that I'll be more accepting of who I am as I grow older. I hope to no longer be as concerned about what people think of me as I've been in the past. I hope to grow in wisdom garnered from my vast life experience (insert sarcastic tone here) and be happy with life as it comes each day.
While balancing all the facets of my life, I am excited about the prospect of what the future holds. I hope to look back in another 10 years and write about all the good friends I made, wonderful experiences I had, food I tasted, places I visited. In the future, I'll still be spinning plates, and they'll still be holding steady.
Don't get me wrong; you all know how life with kids can be. It's hectic, messy--hell, I won't even think about buying a nice rug or furniture until sometime in the next decade. Oy, and if I think about the stress of keeping them safe, or making sure that they grow up learning how to be polite and generous, or making sure that their elementary school experience ensures they get into a good college, I'm as agitated as a a 16-year-old whose cell phone battery just went out while waiting in line for his license at the DMV.
But I think the next decade holds some magic for me too. I have things that I can't wait for and things that I certainly could live without, but I know are coming in the next 10 years.
In the next 10 years,
I will turn 50
My children will be teenagers
DG's range of motion will lessen with the RA
I will probably get a new dog (which means my beloved Jack will move on--he's already 13 for God's sake)
It will finally be time for new, adult, not hand-me-down furniture
The kids will stop wanting to hang out with me
My sister and I will grow closer
I might lose my mother and/or father
DG and I can have date night without having to hire a babysitter
My metabolism will slow even further and I will probably gain weight
I will go through menopause
I'll bet my style will change; I'll no longer try to get away with some curvy-girl version of skinny jeans
I'll be able to renovate the back yard, pool area, and actually want to spend time out there
DG and I might be able to take a vacation longer than 1 week
I'll probably go to Disneyland a hundred more times
One thing I hope happens is that I'll be more accepting of who I am as I grow older. I hope to no longer be as concerned about what people think of me as I've been in the past. I hope to grow in wisdom garnered from my vast life experience (insert sarcastic tone here) and be happy with life as it comes each day.
While balancing all the facets of my life, I am excited about the prospect of what the future holds. I hope to look back in another 10 years and write about all the good friends I made, wonderful experiences I had, food I tasted, places I visited. In the future, I'll still be spinning plates, and they'll still be holding steady.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Video Games
Note to self: Next time you complain because your husband and children love to play Wii for HOURS on the weekends, remember how amazingly satisfying it is to read, write, and take time for yourself. I'm just saying....
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