The Supercharged Family Road Trip

Oh, the family road trip.  I remember it oh so fondly wearily from my own childhood.  Mom packed weeks of well-thought out games, books, stories and activities so that we wouldn't lose our minds staring out the window at miles and miles of flat land and a few scattered cows.  Despite all those little extras, things meant to stimulate and occupy a kid for hours, I hated the road trip.  I always got car sick, couldn't really read, was bored out of my mind, and eventually ended up goofing around so wildly with my siblings that Mom and Dad would end up with a one-arm-over-the-seat cry of, "If I have to come back there...." 

Well things are different now.  Welcome to the 21st Century road trip ala Grateful Twin Mom.  Here's how we do it these days.  Wired in.  That's right; you heard me.  Plugged in, dialed in, each with his or her own little screen or headphones.  Not talking to each other--not commenting on scenery--not yelling, crying, or complaining.  T1 and T2 got iPads (for their birthday/Hanukkah/Christmas for-the-rest-of-their-lives) from an extraordinarily benevolent aunt and uncle.  Whole music libraries, math games, Angry Birds (enough said), 5 movies, and 3 chapter books (including A.A. Milne's Winnie the Pooh) provide enough entertainment for weeks, let alone a few hours up I-5 in one super cool laptop device.  DG and I listen to audiobooks on iPods and occasionally, DG will blast E Street Radio on the satellite radio (loves him some Bruce Springsteen).  But when we're plugged in, it's silent in the car.

Now I know the experts feel that screen time is detrimental for kids (twins are 8 now), especially young ones, and that little brains are marred permanently by too much exposure to video images (whether educational or not).  I know that confined spaces are supposed to provide great, built-in opportunities for interacting--commiseration for the shared cramped experience and all, but somehow, this seems better to me.  No one asks me, "Are we there yet?" or "Can we stop? I'm thirsty."  A well-stocked snack bag, bottles of water, and one or two bathroom breaks and we all arrive at our destination happy, still in love with each other and excited to be where we are instead of weary from the trip.

So I ask you, are a few extra hours of screen time too high a price to pay for such satisfaction on arrival? Will there be increased melt downs because of the change in brain chemistry from too many hours with an electronic device? Are there microwaves and radiation seeping their way into my children's bloodstreams because of extra exposure?  I worry about all of this.  But part of being a parent is letting go of the fear that makes us second guess EVERYTHING and just being.  The supercharged, plugged in road trip is just another way that we are just living. 

And while I wonder how all this will affect my children as they grow, I'm guessing when they're grown and look back on the family road trip, they won't be lamenting Mom's angry voice telling them to be quiet and settle down.  That's what I'm wishing.

Okay, gotta go charge all my electronic toys. We're on the road in 2 hours....
 

Birthday Week continued

Tonight, I'm working on the details for T1's birthday extravaganza.  Last Sunday's baking party was a huge success, so we hope this Sunday's Pokemon battle will be equally as good.

I'm going to make Pokeball's out of styrofoam balls for the boys to catch their "Pokemon" in.  If you don't have a 7- or 8-year-old boy, you might not know that a Pokeball looks like this:

I've got red spray paint and black electrical tape that I'll paint and wrap around the styrofoam.  This is a project for tomorrow night because tomorrow's day is insane. 

Tomorrow's birthday day looks like this:

T1's schedule:  Leave home for karate studio at 10:30.  Test for orange belt from 11 to 12:15.  Travel to T2's end of the season soccer party to switch into Dad's car to go to his soccer game.  Finish soccer game and go to DesignerCon at the Pasadena Convention Center where our friend is selling his toy line, Sketchbot.  See a movie and go to dinner.  Sleep 'cause 8-year-olds need their rest.

T2's schedule:  Leave home for last soccer game at 10:30.  After game, go to end-of-the-season soccer party at yogurt place.  Arrive at Hula Performance at 1 pm.  Dance for an appreciative audience, and return home to go to DesignerCon to get a Sketchbot.  See a movie; go out to dinner.  Crash into bed after a hard playin' day.

Mom's schedule:  Drive around to all this crap and keep cool, no matter what!

The coincidence that all of our kids' extracurricular activities having major events on the same day near the same time means that DG and I will need to split up.  I won't see T2's last game.  DG won't see T1's karate belt test.  But I guess that's what video tapes are for. 

So while I'm running around and trying to get ready for the party, I hope that we can stay sane.  Thank God birthday week will be over soon.  What's that you say?  Hanukkah is right after that?  Then Christmas after that?  Better get used to this.

The Business Trip--the Stay-At-Home Version

DG went to Santa Barbara on a business trip yesterday, and while he's only going to be gone overnight (he'll be back today to go to a wedding), I'm reminded of all the reasons why I like a business trip when I go.  The best benefits (working moms, tell me that this is not better than a spa weekend) are staying in a hotel room by yourself, ordering room service so you don't have to actually talk to anyone or have anyone talk to you, catching up on horrible reality TV (last time I was gone, I watched Jerseylicious. I mean, the name alone, right?), and the QUIET--seriously, the quiet to read and write is truly the best part.

But this time, I was the stay-at-home parent.  Seriously, one day is no big deal at all, but there are definitely some pros and cons of being at home as the only parent (of course, single parents do this all the time, and I whole heartedly admire them and their ability to balance).

PRO: I get the whole bed to myself to spread out my books, magazines--maybe a tray with tea.

CON: It's a little disconcerting to turn out the lights at the end of the night knowing I'm the only adult in the house.  Leads me to some irrational fears.  You know, the kind like Michael Myers from Halloween with the hockey mask is lurking at my window?  What?  You don't do that?  See what I mean?  My wild imagination is definitely a con.

PRO: When it's morning, we all get up at the same time.  DG's a late-sleeper.  Seriously, he'd sleep until noon every day if he could.  Okay, maybe 11, but no earlier if he could help it.

CON: The day seems loooooonnnggg when you're you're up early and you're the only adult in the house.  And LOUD.  Did I mention I like it quiet?

PRO: I don't really need to cook.  Somehow, having the whole family home makes me feel more responsible for putting a healthy meal on the table.  Not that I have the time to do it more than about 3 days a week, but when it's just me and the kids, popcorn and a fruit smoothie is a perfectly suitable dinner.

CON: Too much sugar makes that day even longer.

PRO: There's one less person to get out the door.  'nuf said.

CON: I miss having DG here.  We see so little of each other during the week as it is, having him gone over the weekend makes me miss him even more. 

Again, I have no reason to whine when it's only one day.  The pros far out weigh the cons over one day.  Still, I'll be glad when he gets home.  And the kids will too.

The Getaway

Okay, after all my bitching and complaining about all I have to do, and how can I find time for it all, I get to have the opposite this weekend.  I am traveling to Northern California to go to Lake Tahoe with my sister and her husband's family.  This is by myself--without my husband and kids.  I go to Northern California every fall to visit with my sister. 

I don't think there is a person in the world who gets me better.  She's like the other half of my brain and soul.  We have been each other's best friend and confidant since we were little girls.  When she moved away, I knew that it would be so important for us to continue to keep the lazy togetherness of our childhood alive--times when we just sit together in the same room, but don't need to talk, and then we can talk for hours, long into the night about ANYTHING.  Our unusual sister-bond is remarkable by most standards, and I long to spend time with her.  Now it's here.

I can't think of a better place to rejuvenate than Lake Tahoe.  I intend to suck in the mountain air until my lungs are filled with the richness of fall.  I'm going to knit (I'm making a scarf for T2's Hermione costume), watch movies, and sleep.  Oh, glorious sleep.

And at home, I know everything will be fine.  DG is a superdad.  He actually is excited to take the kids to all their activities (Oh boy, it's a lot too--a future post that I am definitely itching to get out--lots of opinions).  Two soccer games on Saturday, two different classes for both kids today at different locations during the same time.  DG'll get a taste of mom taxi for sure.

And when I get back, I'll hug them and I'll be a better mommy because I'll get to remember who I am.  Do you ever take time for yourself away from home without the kids? 

Let's Pretend.......Words Heard from the Playdate

Having twins and working outside the home, for me, means that I very rarely schedule playdates for my kids.  Why would I?  They are the same age.  They have similar interests.  They play well together.  Playdates are complicated, what with the driving them here or there, or coordinating drop off and pick up times.  And what's more, I only really get to spend extended periods of time with my kids on the weekends, do I really want them gone for 2,3,4 hours?

The answer is it's not up to me.  I'm beginning to learn that it is better for my kids' development and their imaginations to play with other kids their age--and the same gender.

Yesterday, I scheduled playdates for both kids.  Each one had a friend over.  These were looooong playdates.  The first kid arrived at 7:45 am and the last kid left at 5 pm.  I made 17 grilled cheese sandwiches and cut 100 strawberries.  Okay, well not really, but it seemed like it.  Their imaginary play just evolved from each corner of the house.

I decided to spy, stealthily from place to place observing, like a social scientist scrutinizing subjects in contrived habitats. You wouldn't believe what I heard.

"Let's pretend we were best friends, and we're fairies."


"No, we're jazz cats, and we have to come to this island every once in a while, and people take care of us."


"Wait, we're tiger cubs and you have to tame us."


"Let's pretend we're putting on a show and I'm the only one who can do this special move."

 "Let's pretend we have to have a battle and we have to jump off this couch into those cushions to see who wins."



"And we're magic and we have to use wands to make spells."


The boys had created an elaborate game that resembled skeeball and involved what boys like best--throwing things.  They threw Mighty Beanz up the skateboard ramp and into the playhouse, assigning different points for each window or door the toy went through.  DG said the game should really be called, "Where's My Mighty Bean" because that was all they said over and over as they looked for the chucked toys.

The girls set up a spa in my bathroom.  There, all my nail polish bottles were strewn around the bathroom floor and they were painting each other's fingertips nails.  It was hard to get a word in edgewise as they cheeped like baby chicks and squealed their approval of each other's looks.  I intervened and served as manicurist for a couple of minutes.

The boys made a battlefield of the couch cushions.  The girls were a dozen different characters in a multitude of made up stories from fairies to princesses to dancing divas.

I discovered in my scientific observation that boys are different than girls.  Ha.  Who knew.  And all this time I was treating my twins as just kids.  I was encouraged by their gender-specific play.  Both kids were able to spend time imagining a world where they could just be who they wanted to be.  There was no looming school work, no scheduled activity, no birthday party, no parents' errands that needed to drag them away from the sheer joy of being a seven-year-old boy or girl.  Maybe more of these playdates are a good idea.

Snippets

Yesterday's Schedule

3:30 am -- Awake -- worry about all the stuff I have to do. Gratefully, I fall back to sleep.

5:30 am -- Wake up, read emails, answer students' questions, grade online papers, write 1/3 of new syllabus

6:30 am -- Walk dog

7:30 am -- wake kids, eat breakfast, drive to summer school

9:15 am -- Sculpt and Tone class at the Y, read 3 pages of a journal article waiting for class to start

11:30 am -- pick up kids from summer school, drive home, fix lunch

1:45 pm -- drive to library, realize we forgot library books, drive back home, drive back to library, drive back home.

3:00 pm -- Work on syllabus

3:05 pm -- Stop working to diffuse meltdown because one twin took something from another

3:15 pm -- Work on syllabus again


3:45 pm -- drive to swim lessons


4:00 pm -- stamp PTA address on envelopes as part of volunteer obligation

5:00 pm -- drive home, make dinner

and on and on and on


I'm smiling because I love this. Did my syllabus get done yesterday? No. Did it get done today? No, but it is getting done, a little at a time. This means that things get done M U C H S L O W E R, but I get to be involved in so many things. It's all worth it.

I've been learning to do my job in between the myriad of activities that my kids need schlepping to. Working in snippets, I call it.

It's interesting how the "Mom Taxi" has such a bad rap. Yeah. It's a lot of miles and running around, but can you make it more interesting? How nice is it to sit and read a magazine, or get a little bit of work done while waiting for your kid to finish soccer practice? I find it an opportunity to work on projects one little bit at a time. Yesterday is a prime example. I watched my kids playing in the back yeard while I set up an online course interface platform. My friend brought over her kids to swim, and we took turns watching the kids and completing our "snippet" work.

I'm a classic procrastinator. When I was in college, I had to get a full time job so that I ONLY had certain times to do my homework. Now I HAVE to grade papers, answer emails, write, plan lessons in between taking my kids from here to there.

And I couldn't be happier about it.