A blog post a day keeps the cobwebs away

This year, I've decided to join NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) which traditionally takes place in November.  The idea is simple--you post something every day for 30 days.  What?!?! you say.  Has she lost her job?  No, more like I might have lost a part of my mind, but actually, that's not it at all.

I'm a writing teacher (academic writing, you know, like compositions and stuff--not so creative).  I tell my students daily that the best way to be a better writer is to write often.  NaBloPoMo is exactly this kind of exercise--an exercise in perseverance that one hopes will lead to better writing. 

So I'm going to write. a lot. November is one of the most exciting months in our house as the twins birthday falls in November, Thanksgiving always leads to lots of interesting family drama that could be fun to read (I mean, who doesn't have drama surrounding Thanksgiving?), and Hanukkah falls early this year.  Yay.  Hopefully this means I'll have lots to say.

NaBloPoMo is a way for me to keep up with the practice.  If you get this blog through your email, feel free to just delete them as they come through every day, or browse and discard.  Whatever works, but don't feel obligated read all of my innane musings mostly stemming from the crap I think about while driving around all day.  It's shaping up to be a rocky month...

I Have an Obligation to Vote

Today is election day.  Last night, I talked about the ballot measures with DG, read some blogs with various picks on the candidates and issues, marked my ballot, and placed it in a place in my work bag that I know will make it out the door.  Ever since I was 18 years old, I have voted in every national primary and general election.  I feel I have an obligation to vote--as a citizen, a woman, an educator, and a mother.

Don't worry. I'm not going to get all political on you.  I would describe myself as not very political at all.  I'm not that person at a party who starts a conversation with, "Can you believe what those yahoos are doing in congress?"  I quietly have my beliefs and try to stay out of the conversation. Except for those ubiquitous bashing political ads.  Hate them.  Kinda makes my stomach turn, and even more detrimental, makes me shut down and become mistrusting.  Political rally-er, I am not.

But if you really think about it, most people practice things in their lives that can be construed as a little political.  As moms, we make decisions about what we're going to feed our children--to breastfeed or not--organic or not.  We make decisions about education--public or private school.  To others around us, these decisions can be seen as a progression of our political agenda. It's based on our values, the way we want our children to have the best lives they can--often better than the lives we've had.  I mean, even as a member of the PTA, I am a part of an organization that lobbies for children and good education practices.  As moms, we are our children's best proponents.

As a college professor, I try to let my students know that voting is one of the most important things they can do to advance their own beliefs.  So many of my students in the suburban community college where I work feel like voting is something they don't feel qualified to do.  They're just 18.  They don't understand the propositions or the smear campaigns of the candidates (well, let's face it--who does?).  And I tell them that is precisely the point of college.  To learn about their world and to have a say in its future.  They say, "But no matter what I say, politicians are going to do whatever they want, so voting or not--it doesn't matter."  Arrggghh, I sigh.  Apathy.  No, no, no.  Imagine what leaders might do if you did not have a voice.  Voting assures that differing opinions are brought to everyone.  Your voice matters.

I read a quote by Thomas Paine that says, "Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must undergo the fatigue of supporting it."  Fatigue means work.  The suffragists were tireless in their efforts.  As a woman, I feel I owe it to them to learn about a campaign and vote.  I have a responsibility to support my freedom and the right that they fought so hard to gain.

So today, when I pick up my kids, we'll march over to the polling booths, place the ballot in the little hole-puncher-thingy (I know, I think that's the official name for it), and fulfill my obligation.  Whatever the outcome of the election, I feel good knowing that I am modeling good citizenship for my children.  Who knows, I might even hand over that little "I Voted" sticker to them.

Small Town Halloween

Wow, I just went on Facebook this morning, and everyone is posting about their Halloween.  There's my niece, who made a killer Dia de los Muertos mask with make up on her face, a bunch of cute 5th grade nerds, and lots and lots of parents getting in the spirit with their kids.

We live in a small town.  It's got a population of about 25,000 and a small city limit.  This all adds up to running into neighbors and friends everywhere we go.  Our weekends are filled with this: soccer games, grocery store, and the local yogurt shop.  Last night, we joined the throngs of trick or treaters who cruised along one of the major residential streets.  Houses decorated.  Kids running like crazy.  Streets actually blocked off because foot traffic is more prevalent than street traffic.

My kids got more candy than they can eat in a lifetime, and the visited the scariest house in town.  Freddy Krueger even jumped out of a corn field they erected in their front yard to scare innocent trick or treaters.  T2 braved the front door for a handout, but T1 stayed quietly on the sidewalk until a chain saw maniac ran wild in the street.  Terrified, they said they were ready to go home.

Voldemort and Hermione aim wands

It was cold.  Good thing I finished that scarf.

Dang, could he look any more un-dead?

Ummmm, yeah

It's not Halloween unless you're stuffing your face with candy

I am so proud of the homemade costumes which fit right in with the tons of Harry Potters we saw around town.  Hope you had a great Halloween too.  What traditions make your town special?

The Joys of October

Just to recap--my trip to Lake Tahoe earlier this month with my sister was wonderful.  I always get so much out of being with her.  I'm reminded of when we were kids and had nothing but time to play together.  The scenery in Lake Tahoe was beautiful.  And my sister's dog, Little Hawk took in every part of it.

The view outside the cabin

Crazy how we have the twins-y hair cuts, no?

Ok, show of hands, how many think this is the cutest dog EVER?

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This has been a relatively cool October in Southern California.  I am perpetually confounded by the weather lately, as October, in the recent past, has been extraordinarily hot.  But this year, I’ve been breaking out the Crockpot, wearing sweaters, and driving in the rain—an extreme sport in Southern California.  The weather definitely is getting me in the mood for Halloween.  

Usually, beginning in early September, when the costume catalogs start showing up in the mailbox, we trek on down to the party store, peruse the wall of adorable looking children in cute looking costumes, and the kids point ecstatically, “that one, that one!” 

Down comes the industrial plastic bag with a handle fused to the top, and the kids extract the crappy acetate, shoddily constructed, ill-fitting costume with many ooohs and aahhhs.  From me, it’s more like ewwwws and ooohhhs.  How could this possibly be the same as that picture on the wall?  I don’t know why I’m surprised, but the quality of the packaged costume is never as good as I think it’s going to be.  

That’s why, this year, I worked on persuading my kids to go with the homemade Halloween costume.  Oh, I know this means work for me, and as a mom who has a job that I have to go to everyday, this presents the age old dilemma of how do I find enough time to do this.  Well, here’s my mindset on time lately…..

You can find the time to do anything if you really want to do it.  So I set out to make Halloween costumes in my spare time.  I had to start in September, but I think it's finally come together.

T1 wants to be Voldemort (you know, the most villainous of all villains--He Who Must Not Be Named).  So I figured, easy; some robes, some scary make-up and we're done.  We were going for this:

I made this:

Not to be out-Harry-Potter-ed, T2 decided to be Hermione.  I found this cute photo of the "smartest witch of her age" and decided to copy this:

 

We had the robe and Gryffindor tie from last year when T1 was the ubiquitous boy wizard.  So it was fairly easy to put together this:

The scarf is tucked behind the shoulder on account of the fact that it is still not done.  Super cute knitted scarf takes a loooong time!

I was having so much fun making costumes, that I decided to keep on going.  What's a few more, when you're already on a roll?  

We had tickets to Mickey's Halloween Party at Disneyland.  It's a costume party, trick-or-treating extravaganza inside Disneyland Park that runs through October.  So really, it's like Halloween night every night.  Our kids literally came home with SIX pounds of candy.  I kid you not.  DG said, with the same tone as the proverbial "walked-to-school-in-the-snow" speech, "When I was a kid, we went trick-or-treating once--on Halloween."  

Well, if you're trick-or-treating twice, you need two costumes, right?  I made us into a pirate family.

DG got the pirate vest and pirate bustiers at the 99 cent store.  I coupled them with striped tights and made raggedy pants and skirts.  T1 didn't want to wear the paper 99 cent store vest, and I can't say that I blame him, so I cut that skull and crossbones from an old, white T-shirt and sewed it on the red one.  He loved it!

I'm still so shocked that I had the gumption to make all these costumes, but now that it's all done, and we're really for Halloween, I am pleased with myself.  Not only did I accomplish something I set out to do, rather than scrapping the projects with a defeatist "Oh well, I didn't have time to do this anyway," but also I rekindled that DIY, homemade part of myself that so rarely gets let out these days.  Being creative feeds my soul, and while there is an element of creativity in my job everyday, it's nice to make something with my hands and soak in the gratitude when the kids say, "Thank you, Mommy! I love this costume!" (No really, I'm not lying--they both said that. *shock*)

Kinda makes me want to get ready for the next project.  Do you think maybe they'll need costumes for the school Holiday show? 

The Getaway

Okay, after all my bitching and complaining about all I have to do, and how can I find time for it all, I get to have the opposite this weekend.  I am traveling to Northern California to go to Lake Tahoe with my sister and her husband's family.  This is by myself--without my husband and kids.  I go to Northern California every fall to visit with my sister. 

I don't think there is a person in the world who gets me better.  She's like the other half of my brain and soul.  We have been each other's best friend and confidant since we were little girls.  When she moved away, I knew that it would be so important for us to continue to keep the lazy togetherness of our childhood alive--times when we just sit together in the same room, but don't need to talk, and then we can talk for hours, long into the night about ANYTHING.  Our unusual sister-bond is remarkable by most standards, and I long to spend time with her.  Now it's here.

I can't think of a better place to rejuvenate than Lake Tahoe.  I intend to suck in the mountain air until my lungs are filled with the richness of fall.  I'm going to knit (I'm making a scarf for T2's Hermione costume), watch movies, and sleep.  Oh, glorious sleep.

And at home, I know everything will be fine.  DG is a superdad.  He actually is excited to take the kids to all their activities (Oh boy, it's a lot too--a future post that I am definitely itching to get out--lots of opinions).  Two soccer games on Saturday, two different classes for both kids today at different locations during the same time.  DG'll get a taste of mom taxi for sure.

And when I get back, I'll hug them and I'll be a better mommy because I'll get to remember who I am.  Do you ever take time for yourself away from home without the kids? 

Toppling Plates Revisited

So the balance theme continues to permeate my posts, and sometimes, I gotta say, I find it so redundant.  I mean EVERY mom deals with this, right?  Meanwhile, maybe that's why it gets so much attention--because we all deal with it.  As an older mom, I had a lifetime of experience before I had kids.  When your life changes so dramatically, and you keep trying to have parts of the old life peppered into the new one, there's going to be some roadblocks.  I'm getting more creative in navigating roadblocks and finding detours that I didn't even know existed.

I took some actions last week to try to get past my roadblocks and find fulfillment in my varied life. (I know--this is a quality problem--sometimes I feel like I don't even have a right to complain because my life is so blessed, but here goes anyway.)

First, I wanted to try going offline for a while. No reading and commenting on blogs, no Twitter (okay--that one's easy to fit in, so I only stayed away from that for 3 days), no Facebook.  I found I was focused and productive in my job and present with my children.  I was in mono-tasking mode.  Felt very old school, but strangely rewarding--for a time.

I assessed things that are important to me.  Is it important that my kids get to every single soccer practice or dance class in the week?  Not really.  What is important to me is taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and creatively.  I have one of those unfortunate, narcissistic personality traits of wanting other people to see me as a vibrant and valuable participant in all I do.  In all the roles of my life--wife, mother, professor, blogger, crafter, writer, cook, and volunteer--I want people to see that I'm doing a good job.  And while this has always been important to me, I am starting to shift toward seeing what I do as good enough for me regardless of what anyone else thinks.

I made a schedule.  In order to fit in everything I want to do in my day, I had to come to the realization that I can't do everything everyday.  It's got to be compartmentalized.  Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday-- work out.  Tuesday, Thursday, Friday--writing.  Like that.  Scheduling is what I hound down my students' throats on a daily basis.  It's about time I tried it myself.

I forgave myself.  I can't be all things to all people.  I'm a perfectionist, and trying to stay the perfect everything is exhausting and demoralizing.  I downsizing my big personality.

I don't know how long this new "c'est la vie" attitude will last, but I'm going to keep working on it.

When the Spinning Plates Begin to Topple

I work at a job that I love.  After a disappointing undergraduate experience that I barely passed, I finally found my passion in my late 20s and decided to go for it.  This meant another 3 years of graduate school, teaching part-time at 3 or 4 different community colleges for a few more years as a "freeway flyer," and finally landing a tenured position teaching (as opposed to "publishing") at an institution of higher learning a full 11 years after I finished my undergraduate degree.

I remember sitting in my office in my first semester and the president of the college, a good 'ol boys' good 'ol boy, came in to see me, and, in the course of our conversation, he said, "You know, this is the best job in the world.  And even more so for a woman (as an aside, what you need to know about this guy is that he later was removed from a Chancellorship for sexual harassment and indiscretions. Not really the most tactful with the ladies).  There's a lot of flexibility when you have your children."  Well, of course I was offended.  "What?" I thought.  "Do you have any idea what I went through to land this job?  There were 120 applicants for my job.  If you think for one minute I'm going to throw it away for a life of wiping snotty noses, you've got another thing coming, buddy."  Besides, I was single--no sign of a husband or children on the horizon, so I was good, I thought. 

But I did get married, and I did have children.  And he was right.  I took off for 6 months after the babies were born.  I taught at night so I could be home with them during the day.  I taught online, logging in at night and on weekends and in snippets of time between feedings and diaper changes.  I do work outside the home now, so I use the after-school program a few days a week.  I can mold my schedule so that I can stay at work late a couple of days and still be available to drive the kids around to their throngs of extra curricular activities.

This is dreamy, is it not?  It's the ideal situation that so many working moms crave--a chance to be fulfilled and stimulated intellectually while still being able to be the nurturing, available caregiver.  I presumably have the best of both worlds.  If that's the case, then why do I feel like I'm floundering in both of these areas for which I have a huge responsibility?  The balance I'm so craving seems far outside my reach right now.

I recently read a report on the myth of multitasking. The report states that people don't technically use their brains doing more than one thing at a time, but rather, their brains are actually shifting in rapid-fire succession between things. I feel like this is what I'm doing all the time.  I mean, even in the course of writing this post, I've had to get up to let the dog out and pause to give my son some homeopathic drops for the cough that is keeping him up and in my face. Not only am I physically torn away from the moment, but my brain is rapidly moving back and forth like a schizophrenic metronome.  I am, therefore, failing a little bit at everything I do.  I don't want to be perfect, but I would like to feel a little more peace.

Recently I found myself wanting to retire from my job--not quit, not get another job--retire.  Obviously a momentary lapse in reasoning and logic, right?  I was longing for more time to read and write for my own personal fulfillment, and retirement seemed the only reasonable way that this could happen?  Clearly I've got to make some changes.  What those need to be, I don't know.

But I do know this.  I have an obligation to both my job and my family.  I have to keep the job (without it, the family would not have health insurance) and I have to raise the kids. I have a responsibility to be present and wholly focused on each one when I'm engaged with it.  I need to make space in my life for those little moments that absolutely make time race.

How can I do this?  Am I just chasing the mythological life of the Supermom?  Will my brain explode as I try to tweet about my kids' morning routine while preparing for my class while driving in the car?  Something's gotta give. 

How do you balance personal fulfillment with parenting?