Day 10

With this post, I am 1/3 of the way through National Blog Posting Month. Blogging every day is harder than I thought it would be. Those who do this professionally have a big job. I do find that writing every day is a good exercise, but coming up with clever topics and snarky commentary on current topics in working mom-ville is a huge challenge.

I looked back over the last 9 entries, and some are so.....*snore* oh, sorry I must have dozed off from the boredom. I think there's a reason why I haven't blogged regularly before now. Turns out writing every day is good practice; posting every day is not.

My posts are so journalistic. Academic observations with a lack of emotion (ok--except for that shopping post...). Look out, folks. Tomorrow's my take on homework in elementary school. Links to Duke University and everything.

I wish I were a funny blogger or a provocative blogger, but I am, if nothing else, sincere. I blog because it makes me happy. I get to share my feelings in a medium I love, and if it strikes a cord for someone, then bonus for me.

I'm determined to finish NaBloPoMo no matter what, so clever or not, you'll find me here.

Is Family Dinner a Thing of my Past?

I'm remembering when the twins were babies and we had family dinner every night. DG and I would sit down with the kids in the high chairs, we'd eat the same thing at the same time, talk about our day and watch the kids bang on their trays.

This practice continued when the kids were toddlers. Then, the only meal-time problems were getting them to stay in the chairs. It was a great way to end the day.

Fast forward to 2nd grade and activities 4 times a week, and family dinner is an anomaly, something treasured mostly in memory. Now, when we do eat together, it's a rush through meal to get to the homework or reading or getting ready for bed. It's not the lesiurely French family I fantasize about with long conversation, wonderful drinks and gourmet food.

Researchers say that families who eat dinner together have a better chance of having well-behaved, intelligent, and beautiful children who grow up to be rocket scientists and fashion models. It's the panacea for all that ails families. But is it out of my reach?

I'm wondering this as I am writing on my Droid, at T1's karate lesson, while I'm about to go get 3 different meals for 3 members of my family. (DG be damned tonight -- he's on his own.)

Do you have family dinner at your house? What do you like about it? What about it is difficult or frustrating? I await your wisdom...

Bloggy Math

Here's some bloggy math for this tired poster on this busy Monday morning.

Daylight Savings Time X  2 kids  =  up at dawn yesterday.  (Result is mommy crashing into bed at 9 pm).

6 potentially lengthy blog posts  -  time to percolate them in my head  =  short post today.

Today's work stack

 

 

 

 

 

 

Textbook reviews  +  quizzes to be graded  +  journals to be read  -  long morning hours  X  desire to exercise  =  Time To Get Going.

See you all tomorrow!

Why I Should Not Go to the Mall

The other day, I had to give a presentation to the college's Board of Trustees and several school superintendents during a 7:30 am (!) breakfast meeting promoting the partnership between local high schools and the college where I teach.  This could only mean one thing:  I had to get a pair of pantyhose.

Since I have a super amount of autonomy in my job, no one says anything about how I dress for my job everyday.  No one cares when I wear faded jeans to class because I have  to shoot out of there right after to pick up my kids because it's an early dismissal day and we're going straight to soccer practice.  Business dress in academia is a much different animal than in the corporate world.  However, the "power breakfast" with people who actually do make decisions about education that affect lots of families kinda does require that I dress up a little.

So I head to the mall in the 30 minutes that I have between getting off work and picking up the kids.  I know that I need just the one thing, but something happens when I get in the mall.  Oooh.  It's shiny!  Music lures me into stores!  Fashion beckons!  I'm a sucker for a wildly stylish store window!  I try to put on my blinders and go straight to the hosiery section in Nordstrom, but I can't help it start thinking about the other things I need that I could squeeze out of this trip.  Concealer.  Lip stick.  Hair product.  (These things seem to run out at the most inopportune times, right?) 

On this trip, I actually get out of the mall unscathed, pantyhose in hand, concealer and hair products in a little bag for good measure.

But yesterday was another story.

I was at Starbucks with T2 while T1 was at karate.  I saw a woman wearing this:

This is the Interlock Asymmetrical Dress from American Apparel.  American Apparel is a place where I don't usually shop because the clothes are for tiny, small-busted adolescents and I am DECIDEDLY, not that.  I'm a middle-aged woman  who is as stocky as a football player and taller than pretty much ever woman I know.  One-shoulder dresses are something that I NEVER wear.  If I can't wear a bra, it doesn't make it into my closet.

The woman at Starbucks, however, was pretty much the same size as me.  She was rocking the dress with a pair of leggings and ballet flats, and it looked really cute.  All of a sudden, I had to have this dress.  I plotted a trip to the mall to get it.  Cars on the road were not driving fast enough.  I almost crashed into someone pulling out of a parking place in my haste to get. in. there.  I hustled through the department store with the massive make-up event that had homecoming-going teenagers lined up for free makeovers so I could get the dress that I NEEDED.  I did get the dress, and it looked as flattering on me as I had hoped.  Sometimes, when you see something, you just know.  That's how it was.

But then I needed more.  Spanx!  Stylist's tape to hold the dress up!  Wait!  There's some cute jeans.  Oohh, shiny things again.  Stop. Stop. Stop.  I calmly went to the counter, bought the dress, and quickly got out of the mall.  Once home, I found I had everything I needed to wear with it.  I wore it scrunched up as a top over a straight skirt (again, middle-aged women should not wear mini-skirts) to a wedding we went to last night.  I felt confident and comfortable among the super-skinnies at the wedding. 

Shopping season is coming, and I know I'll probably find myself in the mall again in the next 6 weeks.  I need to remember a mantra like, "buying gifts, buying gifts, buying gifts."  Distractions aside, I think I'll make it.  I just hope no other super-stylish must-have clothing item makes it way into my mind's eye between now and then.

The Business Trip--the Stay-At-Home Version

DG went to Santa Barbara on a business trip yesterday, and while he's only going to be gone overnight (he'll be back today to go to a wedding), I'm reminded of all the reasons why I like a business trip when I go.  The best benefits (working moms, tell me that this is not better than a spa weekend) are staying in a hotel room by yourself, ordering room service so you don't have to actually talk to anyone or have anyone talk to you, catching up on horrible reality TV (last time I was gone, I watched Jerseylicious. I mean, the name alone, right?), and the QUIET--seriously, the quiet to read and write is truly the best part.

But this time, I was the stay-at-home parent.  Seriously, one day is no big deal at all, but there are definitely some pros and cons of being at home as the only parent (of course, single parents do this all the time, and I whole heartedly admire them and their ability to balance).

PRO: I get the whole bed to myself to spread out my books, magazines--maybe a tray with tea.

CON: It's a little disconcerting to turn out the lights at the end of the night knowing I'm the only adult in the house.  Leads me to some irrational fears.  You know, the kind like Michael Myers from Halloween with the hockey mask is lurking at my window?  What?  You don't do that?  See what I mean?  My wild imagination is definitely a con.

PRO: When it's morning, we all get up at the same time.  DG's a late-sleeper.  Seriously, he'd sleep until noon every day if he could.  Okay, maybe 11, but no earlier if he could help it.

CON: The day seems loooooonnnggg when you're you're up early and you're the only adult in the house.  And LOUD.  Did I mention I like it quiet?

PRO: I don't really need to cook.  Somehow, having the whole family home makes me feel more responsible for putting a healthy meal on the table.  Not that I have the time to do it more than about 3 days a week, but when it's just me and the kids, popcorn and a fruit smoothie is a perfectly suitable dinner.

CON: Too much sugar makes that day even longer.

PRO: There's one less person to get out the door.  'nuf said.

CON: I miss having DG here.  We see so little of each other during the week as it is, having him gone over the weekend makes me miss him even more. 

Again, I have no reason to whine when it's only one day.  The pros far out weigh the cons over one day.  Still, I'll be glad when he gets home.  And the kids will too.

International Multiple Birth Awareness Week

I've just discovered that November 1 to 7, 2010 is International Multiple Birth Awareness Week.  This awareness campaign is sponsored by an organization called ICOMBO (International Council of Multiple Birth Organizations).  ICOMBO's mission is to "allow individuals and multiple-birth organizations to share and develop resources, promoting and conducting projects and research regarding multiple birth development, care, and education, disseminating information and results of ICOMBO research projects and recruiting multiple-birth organizations worldwide" (icombo.org/media package).  Some of the organizations associated with the organization include the National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs (NOMOTC) and Mothers of Super Twins (MOST).

The purpose of the awareness week is to promote a newly revised document by the organization that includes a Statement of Rights and Declaration of Need for twins and higher order multiples.  There are 7 declarations of right and 10 statements of need meant to bring attention to the issues surrounding multiple births. "These statements [in the document] identify such issues as culturally sanctioned banishment and/or infanticide of twins, lack of proper prenatal care for mothers and their fetuses, a need for breastfeeding support, the importance of placing multiples together in adoptive environments, addressing the multiple bond when making classroom placement decisions, the balancing of individuality within the co-multiple relationship, and ongoing myths and practices that endanger the lives of twins and higher order multiples" (icombo.org/media package).

This document is very thorough, addressing every aspect of multiples from conception to parenting.  I just want to take a look at a couple declarations from the document and pose my self-educated (and therefore decidedly non-scientific), twin-mom take as a springboard for discussion.

Item #1 says that families of multiples (as well as all individuals) have a right to freedom from discrimination of any kind. The document mentions that in some cultures, there is superstition about the origin of multiples which can lead to the "culturally sanctioned banishment and/or infanticide" mentioned above. 

I didn't know this even existed.  I discovered that this was a practice in parts of Africa, but research as far back as 2000 indicates that this practice has diminished and twins are now revered in these cultures.  Perhaps this is similar to the judgment that families whose multiples are the result of infertility treatments have endured since the practice began.  Years ago, when my twins were babies, there was much talk among mothers of twins about how in vitro twins were not "real" twins.  I can't tell you how much backlash to these comments I read about in twins magazines.  I felt it myself even.  The blatant question, "did you use fertility treatments?" or even the more subtle, "do twins run in your family?" I received more often than not as a thinly veiled digging on the part of the ask-er as to the legitimacy of my twins.  Like having twins naturally (especially identical twins) was some kind of badge of honor, and that twins like mine, conceived with assistance, were the lucky result of a sometimes speculative practice (among unscrupulous doctors, i.e. Octomom...).  But that mentality has changed, I think, as the numbers of multiples overall are more commonly from fertility interventions than not.  (Googled statistics I found show that 1 in 38 fertility births are twins, and 1 in 90 are naturally occurring).  Still, that tone of voice when those questions are asked is harsh.


Item #2 says people in fertility situations have a right to information about the risks of multiple pregnancies and the risks associated with multiple pregnancies as a result of treatment. 

I was 39 when I got pregnant with the twins.  I was so focused on getting pregnant at all as we had tried for a long time with no pregnancies, that it didn't even occur to me that twins were a possibility.  I don't remember having any consultation as to the probability of twins.  I remember the day we had the insemination (we conceived with IUI) and the doctor said, "There are four follicles."  I didn't even wrap my head around the fact that had they all been fertilized, we would be living a much different life right now.  It wasn't until after we heard those two little heartbeats that I started researching how very different my pregnancy would be compared to my friends who were pregnant with singletons.  I was going to be the exception to the all too common bed rest and prematurity and C-section.  But, of course, I wasn't.

Item #6 is about how the bond of co-multiples is essential to their development and that keeping multiples together in foster care, adoption, custody, and education settings is a right.

T1 and T2 absolutely share a bond that is strong.  I share a similar bond to my own sister and we're not twins, so I know that this is not exclusively a twin thing, but a deep investment in the well-being of the other definitely seems to be the case among the twins that I know.  Controversy as to the placement of twins in educational settings has resulted in legislation in some states.  Some school districts have historically insisted that twins be separated to foster their individuation, but more recently, parental voices are having more of a say in this decision.  I always thought that I would separate the twins in class because they were so different, and I was right in the case of T1 who really came into his own when out of the shadow of his sister.  But now, I am so glad to have the right to decide if I should put them together in class.  As an educator, I see a huge value in collaborative learning that we could do if they were practicing the same curriculum in their homework.  I have another twin mom friend who, after a couple years of having her twins separated, decided to put them together.  It was a much easier and more comfortable environment for her very shy girl when she had the support of her much more self assured brother in the same class.  DG and I, too, are considering putting our kids in the same class for the upper grades of elementary school.  The risk, of course, is that they'll be compared by the teacher or treated as a unit, but this is a risk of any child in any class, I presume.  We'll see.  Jury's still out on this one.  And speaking of individuation,

Item #7 says that twins have a right to be treated as individuals as any human being does.

This was always a no brainer for us as T1 and T2 are extraordinarily different, and they're different genders, also an easy way to differentiate individuals.  I'm not so sure this is the case for multiples of the same gender and more so for identical twins.  It's been my experience, though, that as one gets to know people, one is more inclined to notice the nuances that create individuals.  That's certainly been the case for my kids in their comings and goings in the world, and I hope it continues.  I'd be interested to hear the take of this from parents of identical twins.

With the prevalence of multiples in society today, I suspect that the anomaly of twinship that I grew up with will be diminished as my children grow up and interact in the world.  I am happy, however, to recognize International Multiple Birth Awareness Week and practice these rights and provide for these needs for my little multiples in honor of their inclusion in a special group that is (as of now) still kind of a cool thing for them.  And, as you all know, I am extraordinarily grateful for them.

Boredom, a Boy, and a Roll of Foil

Yesterday I went to pick up the kids for another marathon afternoon of soccer, karate, PTA functions, etc. When I arrived, I hustled T2 to change into soccer clothes, and T1 started in with the whining.  "Where's my DS? I want to play DS?  Why, Mommy? Why can't I play DS  Whhhhaaaaaaa."  This is a battle we have every week when T2 has soccer practice.  T1 rushes through his homework (that he does sitting on the bleachers) and then begs to play with some screen--the DS, his "Pokewalker," my Droid.  We're in a park, for God's sake!  Short of having two broken legs, he should be playing.  PLAYING.  Isn't that what little boys are supposed to do in the park?

Last week, he started in with the "I'm bored..." bull-sh*^%.  Oh no you didn't.  You did NOT just tell me you were bored?!  Boy, you don't know what bored is.  I showed him the perfectly climbable tree right. next. to. him.  I wanted to start with the, "When I was a kid, we found our own fun in mud pies and sticks. Blah, blah, blah," but I caught myself.  Didn't want to let on how OLD I am.  He did end up climbing that tree, and he had fun.  Lo and behold--no longer bored.

Yesterday, once he realized that I wasn't going to go back on my original command about staring at a video game in the park, he knew he had to come up with something else.  Enter this:

 This is a foil ball that T1 made in art class with some leftover foil.  Notice the little indentations for a face?  Eyes, nose, mouth?  It's a guy screaming for a body.  I suggested that we go to the store and buy some more foil.  He could make body parts and put them together.  Toothpicks become the "bones."  He said, "you can glue it for me," to which I replied, "Yeah, and the glue can be like the joints, muscle, and skin."

 

Then, Foil Guy together.  

 

T1 decided the foil man needed a "toy" and he started constructing this: 

Cut to home.  Here I am singeing my fingers with a hot glue gun to get the "muscles and joints" on the foil guy. Fortunately, the toothpicks are providing excellent structural integrity.

 

And then, it was done. 

 

 This little project is a wonderful testament to what kids can do with a little imagination.  T1 is so proud of his creation.  I can tell because at 10 pm and he came out from bed to ask me if it was finished.  He played with it for a minute, making it totter awkwardly across the kitchen counter.  The smile on his face said it all.  He made it--from nothing more than $3 worth of household products.  And he wasn't bored.

I don't want to sound like I never let him play video games or watch TV.  That's just not me.  God knows the TV has a sacred place in our house.  Like everything else, I am in charge of creating the balance.  There's a time and place for video games: when Mom's getting her hair done, at the bank during the signing of house loan documents, or when I'm engrossed in Real Housewives of New Jersey (okay, just kidding on that last one).  The park is not one of those places.  And I can't help but think that he's silently thanking me somewhere in his subconscious for this little respite from the technological age. Long live Foil Guy!